Monday, January 02, 2006

A Slap in the Face for the New Year

Wow! I am frankly amazed at some people. I found a website that had a sort-of support group for caretakers. I told some of my story, and maybe I didn't word it quite right. Here is the response I got:

::I don't think that "dutiful daughter" has much to do with this. You have stated yourself that you are lazy, and it is easier to live off grandma than go out on your own. Apparently, you and your mother are using Grandma for your own ends. You cannot afford to be on your own, so you are waiting for grandma to die, so that you can get her house, and do what you want. It is one thing to care for a person out of "duty" or simply out of the goodness of your heart. It is quite another when you are actually beholden to the person for whom you are caring. This, from what you have said, is apparently the case here. I also think that some of your decisions re grandma have more to do with your comfort than hers. If her house were sold to pay for professional care, you and your mother would be left without a place to live. Apparently, you have made a "deal with the devil." In that case, if I were you, I would just keep my mouth shut, and be as kind as you are able to your potential benefactor. Grandma may just surprise you and live for a long, long, time.::

Again, wow. I thought I had found a place I could rant (like the others) and have a shoulder to cry on every once in a while. But I made the mistake of letting them know I was 29 and still living with Mom because it has, frankly, been easier and I can't afford college at this time. Also, I let them know that the family had agreed that Mom would get the house when Grandma died. *snort* I guess this makes us mercenary. Never mind the fact that Mom and I are paying the majority of the bills now. We buy almost all the food. We do all the cleaning, cooking, etc. I forgot to mention the fact that I go to work, go home, go to work, go home and that is my life. I also made the mistake of letting them know that college would come after Grandma dies.

They seem to think we should sell the house and put Grandma in a home. One, the house wouldn't bring enough money to put Grandma in a decent place. Two, the very act of doing so would kill her because she would simply will herself to death. Three, she would hate my mother for the rest of her short life and that would certainly shorten my mother's life.

I know I want to say more about this, but I'm about to cry, so that's it for now.


Sinspired said...

You should take another name and log into the damn thing, or just keep going on about what you have to go on about and ignore the bitch who doesn't understand.

Shadowspun said...

Ah, but doesn't netiquette forbid a newbie from ruining an established forum? If they want to listen to her and let her lead, fine. She's small and petty and I had my cry. If they won't support me and would prefer to keep their little clique and tiny minds closed, well, who am I to try to pry them open? It's not worth the headache ... or the wasted tissues.