Saturday, March 08, 2008

B Movie Predictability

I must say, I love horrible sci-fi and horror movies. There's nothing better than watching gallons of fake blood spurting out of the shoulders of a moron who just stood there silently screaming as an ogre bites his head off. If they're stupid enough to just stand there then they deserve such a fate. I just have a question. Why don't any of them run? Hello, ogre here about to chomp your head off and you just want to stand there? Cool, pass me the mustard to go with the Heinz 57 the Sci-Fi Channel bought by the vatful.

I must say, I really do love the leaf pattern back-scales on the CG ogre. And why a loincloth? Does an ogre whose sole purpose is to eat a villager once a year really bother with such niceties?

And everybody just poofs away happily. Of course, the good witch is given just enough time for a tearful and meaningful goodbye to the two heroes. Now, how are they going to explain away their friends deaths and the theft of the police car? No answer, just a ride off into the sunset fadeaway. Those two are going to be locked up for life.

Now it's on to a gargoyles attack film I think I've seen a million times. Ya gotta love a mob of villagers with pitchforks and torches accompanied by crossbow-wielding priests.

Thank the gods for the Sci-Fi Channel and its Saturday monster flicks.

No comments: