Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Time is Unimportant
I've come to the conclusion that we should no longer tell Grandma if she's going somewhere until it's literally time to leave. This includes weekend trips to stay with TAFH. She's driving me nuts.
Almost every hour she's asking if it's time to go yet. She keeps putting on her shoes (or only one of them) and takes off her Lifeline pendant. Her pills and apron have been packed a number of times. *sigh* No matter how often we tell her she's not leaving until Thursday, it's just not sinking in that today is NOT the day she leaves. I suggested to Mom once that we mark big X's off the calendar, but she told me she doubted Grandma would even look at it. She's right.
Beyond that, she seems to be really spiteful lately. She's also upset with Mom for working nights so often lately. Mom can't help it. She lost a manager and has to take up the slack. Oy. I need a few days off. We're even having caregiver trouble right now an d have none for the week at all. In all likelihood, I'm going to be calling off work Thursday and making up as much of it as possible by working as late as I can stand it on Friday. It never rains, but it pours.
I hate dementia. I want my Grandma back.
Almost every hour she's asking if it's time to go yet. She keeps putting on her shoes (or only one of them) and takes off her Lifeline pendant. Her pills and apron have been packed a number of times. *sigh* No matter how often we tell her she's not leaving until Thursday, it's just not sinking in that today is NOT the day she leaves. I suggested to Mom once that we mark big X's off the calendar, but she told me she doubted Grandma would even look at it. She's right.
Beyond that, she seems to be really spiteful lately. She's also upset with Mom for working nights so often lately. Mom can't help it. She lost a manager and has to take up the slack. Oy. I need a few days off. We're even having caregiver trouble right now an d have none for the week at all. In all likelihood, I'm going to be calling off work Thursday and making up as much of it as possible by working as late as I can stand it on Friday. It never rains, but it pours.
I hate dementia. I want my Grandma back.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Successful Recipe
I made some Au Gratin Potatoes tonight from a recipe I found on a website. Grandma wanted seconds!
I fiddled with some of the ingredients to make sure it was GF, but it still turned out well.
May I repeat? She asked for seconds!
I fiddled with some of the ingredients to make sure it was GF, but it still turned out well.
May I repeat? She asked for seconds!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Poison Gas
FYI - If you use a homemade recipe to get rid of skunk smell don't mix Aldi's Reeva Citrus Splash dishwashing liquid, chlorine bleach, water and baking soda. Mom just tried and we had the whole toxic gas thing going on. This, of course, happens right as the lady comes to give Grandma a bath in the same bathroom Mom just gassed. Thankfully, the lady was pretty cool and had done something like that herself once.
We're not quite positive as to what caused the interaction, but don't even try it. We think it was the Reeva since it probably has some acid in it to give it the citrusy smell.
We're not quite positive as to what caused the interaction, but don't even try it. We think it was the Reeva since it probably has some acid in it to give it the citrusy smell.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Belated Blog for Choice
I missed it. In my current self-absorption I missed Blog for Choice Day. Let me link any of you readers out there to a particularly wonderful installment by one of my absolute favorite authors and stunningly eloquent feminists: Tamora Pierce.
For the record, I'm happily Pro-Choice. I simply feel that each woman should have the right to make her own decision about whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term given her own financial, familial, religous, philosophical and ethical beliefs. No person, religious group or governmental agency has the right to tell me what I can do with my own body.
I do wholeheartedly admit that I would prefer an adoption be the result of an unwanted pregnancy. There are many women who cannot have children and want them. If a woman can carry the pregnancy out, then cool. There is still nothing that should force a woman to stay pregnant when she has compelling reasons not to.
Oh, that line about choosing life because my mother did...please. My parents planned me and my brother.
For the record, I'm happily Pro-Choice. I simply feel that each woman should have the right to make her own decision about whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term given her own financial, familial, religous, philosophical and ethical beliefs. No person, religious group or governmental agency has the right to tell me what I can do with my own body.
I do wholeheartedly admit that I would prefer an adoption be the result of an unwanted pregnancy. There are many women who cannot have children and want them. If a woman can carry the pregnancy out, then cool. There is still nothing that should force a woman to stay pregnant when she has compelling reasons not to.
Oh, that line about choosing life because my mother did...please. My parents planned me and my brother.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Grandma Update
I have been remiss in posting lately. Part of the reason is my genealogy research. I'm trying to get as much of my old information recreated as possible. I've also just realized that the library is open until 9pm on weekdays, so for the last few weeks have gone there a total of four times when Mom is home! My computer just makes it so much easier.
The other part is that I just haven't felt like being online and sociable. Grandma took a really bad turn and I've been sitting downstairs after work with her rather than going up to my room and doing whatever. She needs help getting off the couch a lot. She wanders from room to room for no reason. She stares and stares and stares at me while I'm stitching or plugging away at my computer across from her. *shiver* It's creepy. When I have been online, I've briefly looked at my livejournal friends list and played Runescape, which I am working really hard at NOT allowing to become an addiction. I actually let my email build up over a week. I had 500-some when I finally checked it a week ago.
I will admit to being somewhat selfish and hogging the remote. The only time she said anything about it was when I had Spaceballs on. I just figure if I'm going to be sitting there waiting to wait on her, I'd better at least get to watch what I want, darn it.
The doctor told Mom Tuesday that she's at the stage that we should just try to make her comfortable and not stress her. That means we shouldn't insist too hard when she doesn't let us take her sugar or give her pills or food. *sigh* I'm not quite able to just let her blow us off completely like she wants to do. He said she could go fast or slow, but her body is winding down. *snort* I could have told him that years ago. These last TIAs really did some damage, though.
Part of the problem is the Winter. She always goes downhill in the Winter. She perks right back up in the Spring, though, so I'm not marking her down for the count yet. If she makes it until Spring or Summer, I anticipate having to go through this again next Autumn and Winter. We'll see what happens.
Oh, and she's back to her nocturnal thing again. She sleeps all day and wanders around all night. A few nights ago we heard a crash at 12:03 AM (I looked at my clock). I heard Mom getting up so I just fell back to sleep. She told me the next morning that she found the tray table next to the couch on the floor and one of my cousins' pictures next to it. She asked her why it wasn't on the wall and Grandma replied that she had been trying to make sure she could save all of her pictures if the house was on fire.
This is the kind of behavior and reasoning we're seeing a lot more of.
The other part is that I just haven't felt like being online and sociable. Grandma took a really bad turn and I've been sitting downstairs after work with her rather than going up to my room and doing whatever. She needs help getting off the couch a lot. She wanders from room to room for no reason. She stares and stares and stares at me while I'm stitching or plugging away at my computer across from her. *shiver* It's creepy. When I have been online, I've briefly looked at my livejournal friends list and played Runescape, which I am working really hard at NOT allowing to become an addiction. I actually let my email build up over a week. I had 500-some when I finally checked it a week ago.
I will admit to being somewhat selfish and hogging the remote. The only time she said anything about it was when I had Spaceballs on. I just figure if I'm going to be sitting there waiting to wait on her, I'd better at least get to watch what I want, darn it.
The doctor told Mom Tuesday that she's at the stage that we should just try to make her comfortable and not stress her. That means we shouldn't insist too hard when she doesn't let us take her sugar or give her pills or food. *sigh* I'm not quite able to just let her blow us off completely like she wants to do. He said she could go fast or slow, but her body is winding down. *snort* I could have told him that years ago. These last TIAs really did some damage, though.
Part of the problem is the Winter. She always goes downhill in the Winter. She perks right back up in the Spring, though, so I'm not marking her down for the count yet. If she makes it until Spring or Summer, I anticipate having to go through this again next Autumn and Winter. We'll see what happens.
Oh, and she's back to her nocturnal thing again. She sleeps all day and wanders around all night. A few nights ago we heard a crash at 12:03 AM (I looked at my clock). I heard Mom getting up so I just fell back to sleep. She told me the next morning that she found the tray table next to the couch on the floor and one of my cousins' pictures next to it. She asked her why it wasn't on the wall and Grandma replied that she had been trying to make sure she could save all of her pictures if the house was on fire.
This is the kind of behavior and reasoning we're seeing a lot more of.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Grandma and Little Brothers
I got sleep. I actually got pretty good sleep while Grandma was gone. And I was able to run errands and do things without watching the clock. There were a few moments of stress on the day of her non-return because TAFH and one of the cousins decided she'd come home today, but didn't bother to tell us until about 7pm Sunday night. I had given up and went out to play Settlers with friends when TAFH finally called and apologized for just forgetting. However, Grandma's now home and just ate ALL of her dinner! It was corn, ham and kartoffel-knodel. She ate it all and she's actually hunting for more on the plate.
Mom and I took the kids to Honesdale and the Alpine Inn on Saturday. She wanted the two of them to pick out fabric for quilts she wants to make them. My niece chose a pink, flowered print (shock and amazement) while my nephew chose an awesome dark blue and grey grass-like print. We have to see if we can find it somewhere else since there wasn't enough at Amy's. The shop is called Mountain Quiltworks and is quite cool. We got Lachschinken!
Anyway, I met my youngest brother for the first time today. I like him. I was so afraid I wouldn't or rather, that he wouldn't like me. He was pretty cool for an eleven year-old. He even wanted to meet Mom. He likes a computer game called Runescape and was at least vaguely interested in history and even the family history. I gave him my email and phone number and told him to use them if he wishes. I'll leave it in his hands. I hope he uses them.
Mom and I took the kids to Honesdale and the Alpine Inn on Saturday. She wanted the two of them to pick out fabric for quilts she wants to make them. My niece chose a pink, flowered print (shock and amazement) while my nephew chose an awesome dark blue and grey grass-like print. We have to see if we can find it somewhere else since there wasn't enough at Amy's. The shop is called Mountain Quiltworks and is quite cool. We got Lachschinken!
Anyway, I met my youngest brother for the first time today. I like him. I was so afraid I wouldn't or rather, that he wouldn't like me. He was pretty cool for an eleven year-old. He even wanted to meet Mom. He likes a computer game called Runescape and was at least vaguely interested in history and even the family history. I gave him my email and phone number and told him to use them if he wishes. I'll leave it in his hands. I hope he uses them.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
She's back from Hell and I wish she'd return!
Well, The Aunt From Hell is officially back in action. I just got home about fifteen minutes ago. She and Grandma haven't left yet. I went downstairs after changing and she asked me about a bill. I replied that I wouldn't know because noone trusts me to do anything about them. She said, "Well, you never do anything so why should anyone trust you?"
I guess devoting practically all of my time to grandma's care is nothing. I guess making sure she's fed, dressed and her sugar is normal is nothing. I will admit I spend most of my time upstairs and not downstairs waiting on her hand and foot, like TAFH does when she's visiting or Grandma's visiting her. I control enough of her life, I'd prefer we have some illusion of freedom from each other. No, I don't clean the dishes unless forced. Nor do I run the vaccuum unless forced. But I clean. I pay or contribute to all the bills but her medicals. Obviously, it's nothing.
If it were nothing then I'd damn well go out every night and actually enjoy my so-called life. I'd have a date and maybe have the opportunity to meet some nice guy before they're all married and I'm old and grey (getting there on the grey front). I'm 31 non-fucking years old and for nearly all of the last five I have devoted myself to the care of my grandmother.
But I do nothing, so there's no reason to trust me. I wish it would do any good to yell at her, but it wouldn't. She's never wrong and any reaction other than "Yes, drill sergeant, how high?!" is you over-reacting and being unreasonable for not seeing the True Light of TAFH's Infinite Wisdom and Superiority. Gods, I wish they would just leave already.
I will not be telling Mom this one. She's already on a short rope and she's having a decent holiday now. Telling her this before she really gets her time off from Grandma would ruin it. It has for me. I was nervous enough for meeting my little brother for the first time in both of our lives. This has my stomach in knots. Sometimes I truly hate that woman.
I guess devoting practically all of my time to grandma's care is nothing. I guess making sure she's fed, dressed and her sugar is normal is nothing. I will admit I spend most of my time upstairs and not downstairs waiting on her hand and foot, like TAFH does when she's visiting or Grandma's visiting her. I control enough of her life, I'd prefer we have some illusion of freedom from each other. No, I don't clean the dishes unless forced. Nor do I run the vaccuum unless forced. But I clean. I pay or contribute to all the bills but her medicals. Obviously, it's nothing.
If it were nothing then I'd damn well go out every night and actually enjoy my so-called life. I'd have a date and maybe have the opportunity to meet some nice guy before they're all married and I'm old and grey (getting there on the grey front). I'm 31 non-fucking years old and for nearly all of the last five I have devoted myself to the care of my grandmother.
But I do nothing, so there's no reason to trust me. I wish it would do any good to yell at her, but it wouldn't. She's never wrong and any reaction other than "Yes, drill sergeant, how high?!" is you over-reacting and being unreasonable for not seeing the True Light of TAFH's Infinite Wisdom and Superiority. Gods, I wish they would just leave already.
I will not be telling Mom this one. She's already on a short rope and she's having a decent holiday now. Telling her this before she really gets her time off from Grandma would ruin it. It has for me. I was nervous enough for meeting my little brother for the first time in both of our lives. This has my stomach in knots. Sometimes I truly hate that woman.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Not too bad a week overall.
Okay, I'm apparently a grandchild again and Grandma now wants to get me a gift. She doesn't remember saying what she did, of course. *sigh* Shoot me if I ever get this bad.
The kids are in and I just want to hug them and never let them go. We're taking them to Corning and the movies while Grandma's away.
Christmas is almost over and I got to avoid working with the co-workers who have been annoying me for the last month on Friday. I may get to do the same on Monday. Yippee!
Not too bad a week, visits from Mrs. Hyde and co-workers getting on the very last shred of the very last nerve I possess aside.
Oh, and I'm going to a party tonight. Of course, I didn't anticipate seeing Kim and the others before Christmas, so their gifts aren't finished yet, but I think they'll understand.
Plus, I'm making go0d progress on the Chameleon and my genealogy work (Re-work?!).
The kids are in and I just want to hug them and never let them go. We're taking them to Corning and the movies while Grandma's away.
Christmas is almost over and I got to avoid working with the co-workers who have been annoying me for the last month on Friday. I may get to do the same on Monday. Yippee!
Not too bad a week, visits from Mrs. Hyde and co-workers getting on the very last shred of the very last nerve I possess aside.
Oh, and I'm going to a party tonight. Of course, I didn't anticipate seeing Kim and the others before Christmas, so their gifts aren't finished yet, but I think they'll understand.
Plus, I'm making go0d progress on the Chameleon and my genealogy work (Re-work?!).
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Christmas Shopping Hell and how to cope with it
I have come up with quite a few coping methods for dealing with Grandma and the fact that I'm essentially under house arrest for the duration of her care.
The first and easiest is to turn on the television to the History or Discovery channels, A&E for CSI:Miami, Spike for Star Trek or CSI, Sci-Fi for a bunch of different shows and cheesy-good movies. Watching one of the movies in my rather large DVD collection is the other option. Nothing cheers me up better than watching 1776. While I'm watching those I'm also on the computer or stitching something.
The second is to turn on music. How can you possibly feel down when you're listening to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy or Tom Lehrer? Of course, I'm on the computer, reading or stitching while listening to said music.
The third would have to be the computer. Now that I have a genealogy program, I use that a lot. Before, it was mostly surfing or trying to write. Of course, the television or music is on in the background.
So, the fourth one is stitching. It makes me feel like I'm putting my confinement to good use. It's something someone will hopefully love and find either useful or beautiful. What I make should cheer them up. Also, I have this little problem called ADD. I simply must be concentrating on more than one thing at one time to keep sane. Weird, I know.
The fifth is reading. I pretty much ordered these in reverse, saving the best for last. I have actually been stitching more than I've been reading lately, but reading is and always will be the most important. I've read since I was two years old. I literally cannot remember ever not reading. While I may have the music on while I read, it's the only one of my coping methods that I can do without one of the others. I can and usually do read without anything to distract me at all from the story.
This little exercise in self-discovery came about last night. Mom, Grandma and I went shopping for the last of the Christmas presents she needed to get everyone. I pushed Grandma around Penney's and we picked out the items for three of the cousins (1,2 and 5). Grandma was told by TAFH (who is really much nicer anymore, but I keep that tag only to continue descriptive purposes) not to get anything for cousins 3 and 4 because she was going to get them gift certificates and put Grandma's name on them. Then we went to pick out Mom's present.
While we wandered that way, we figured out that the only people left after Mom were my brother, me and his two children. Grandma said she wouldn't get the kids toys or clothing. Well, what's left? As for my brother and I, suddenly we weren't grandchildren and were getting only her traditional $5 gift in our stockings. A short argument/discussion ensued which she completely blew off. Mom and I gave up and Grandma and I went to get Mom's present while Mom made herself scarce. We got it and afterwards I managed to convince Grandma that we could at least go over to the men's section and see if anything jumped out at her for my brother. Mild drama (her picking at me and my taste in everything, as usual) and we got my brother a shirt.
Then I suddenly realized she hadn't gotten anything for TAFH's hubby-type-creature (who should be sainted for living with her if they were actually Catholic). The men's t-shirt and underwear area at Penney's is not conducive for shoving a wheelchair around, let me tell you. However, we finally settled on something and Grandma paid for her booty. We left the store without anything for me or my niece and nephew.
As we walked to the food court where I was about to have a piece of pizza and damn the gluten consequences we tried again to convince her to get something for the kids. She insisted that they weren't grandchildren, even in the face of the great-grandchildren argument. Apparently, my nephew made the fatal mistake of saying that he'd put the $5 he got last time in his piggy bank, which impressed the hell out of Grandma. I guess she thinks this means he will only want that, even though he really loved and squeed over the toys and books he got last year. She totally ignored the fact that they're kids and will want something, anything to rip open on Christmas.
Anyway, I got my pizza. Mom stole a bite and even though she hadn't wanted any, she got one for herself because it was soooooo good. It was ham and cheese stuffed pizza. I finished mine and she brought half of hers home to eat today at work. As we wandered back to Penney's so we could get to the car, we passed Gertrude Hawk's. I stopped and asked Grandma if she wanted any Smidgens, but she said she wanted fudge. I got two pieces of fudge for her. This did not please Mom, who is justifiably upset that her child and grandchildren don't seem to rate in her mother's eyes. I just figured it would be nice since she doesn't get Gertrude Hawk's very often, you know. Mom and I had already decided to get gifts and put Grandma's name on them for the kids. I did tell Grandma that she had damn well better treat cousin 2's kid the same way she treats my niece and nephew. But she won't. She'll dote on the little mite when she's born. It's predictable.
When we got home, I read. I didn't bother turning on the television, even though I knew I'd be missing two of my favorite shows: Numb3rs and Stargate: Atlantis. I read a book I had just gotten at Target when we stopped to get Christmas cards. It was a good book, too. Lara Adrian's Midnight Awakening. I could have turned on the television and stitched, but I chose to read and miss shows I ordinarily am very annoyed if I miss. I guess Grandma's attitude really got to me.
Oh, I told Mom this morning not to get me a gift and put her name on it. As an experiment, I want to see if anyone will notice that I am the only person without a gift to open on Christmas. Maybe then they'll believe me when I tell them some of the things she does. If they even notice, which I really doubt. TAFH might notice, but that's it. She actually believes us when we tell her some of the things Mrs. Hyde does.
The worst part is not that she doesn't think we deserve presents. It's that lately she's been pretty good. Mrs. Hyde has poked her head out briefly each week, but not to this extent. Not even after her fall. We've been joking this week about the present she'll get me. I keep joking she'll get me a book or a gift certificate for a book and she does her whole too many books routine. It's a running gag. Well, I guess the joke's on me, now.
The first and easiest is to turn on the television to the History or Discovery channels, A&E for CSI:Miami, Spike for Star Trek or CSI, Sci-Fi for a bunch of different shows and cheesy-good movies. Watching one of the movies in my rather large DVD collection is the other option. Nothing cheers me up better than watching 1776. While I'm watching those I'm also on the computer or stitching something.
The second is to turn on music. How can you possibly feel down when you're listening to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy or Tom Lehrer? Of course, I'm on the computer, reading or stitching while listening to said music.
The third would have to be the computer. Now that I have a genealogy program, I use that a lot. Before, it was mostly surfing or trying to write. Of course, the television or music is on in the background.
So, the fourth one is stitching. It makes me feel like I'm putting my confinement to good use. It's something someone will hopefully love and find either useful or beautiful. What I make should cheer them up. Also, I have this little problem called ADD. I simply must be concentrating on more than one thing at one time to keep sane. Weird, I know.
The fifth is reading. I pretty much ordered these in reverse, saving the best for last. I have actually been stitching more than I've been reading lately, but reading is and always will be the most important. I've read since I was two years old. I literally cannot remember ever not reading. While I may have the music on while I read, it's the only one of my coping methods that I can do without one of the others. I can and usually do read without anything to distract me at all from the story.
This little exercise in self-discovery came about last night. Mom, Grandma and I went shopping for the last of the Christmas presents she needed to get everyone. I pushed Grandma around Penney's and we picked out the items for three of the cousins (1,2 and 5). Grandma was told by TAFH (who is really much nicer anymore, but I keep that tag only to continue descriptive purposes) not to get anything for cousins 3 and 4 because she was going to get them gift certificates and put Grandma's name on them. Then we went to pick out Mom's present.
While we wandered that way, we figured out that the only people left after Mom were my brother, me and his two children. Grandma said she wouldn't get the kids toys or clothing. Well, what's left? As for my brother and I, suddenly we weren't grandchildren and were getting only her traditional $5 gift in our stockings. A short argument/discussion ensued which she completely blew off. Mom and I gave up and Grandma and I went to get Mom's present while Mom made herself scarce. We got it and afterwards I managed to convince Grandma that we could at least go over to the men's section and see if anything jumped out at her for my brother. Mild drama (her picking at me and my taste in everything, as usual) and we got my brother a shirt.
Then I suddenly realized she hadn't gotten anything for TAFH's hubby-type-creature (who should be sainted for living with her if they were actually Catholic). The men's t-shirt and underwear area at Penney's is not conducive for shoving a wheelchair around, let me tell you. However, we finally settled on something and Grandma paid for her booty. We left the store without anything for me or my niece and nephew.
As we walked to the food court where I was about to have a piece of pizza and damn the gluten consequences we tried again to convince her to get something for the kids. She insisted that they weren't grandchildren, even in the face of the great-grandchildren argument. Apparently, my nephew made the fatal mistake of saying that he'd put the $5 he got last time in his piggy bank, which impressed the hell out of Grandma. I guess she thinks this means he will only want that, even though he really loved and squeed over the toys and books he got last year. She totally ignored the fact that they're kids and will want something, anything to rip open on Christmas.
Anyway, I got my pizza. Mom stole a bite and even though she hadn't wanted any, she got one for herself because it was soooooo good. It was ham and cheese stuffed pizza. I finished mine and she brought half of hers home to eat today at work. As we wandered back to Penney's so we could get to the car, we passed Gertrude Hawk's. I stopped and asked Grandma if she wanted any Smidgens, but she said she wanted fudge. I got two pieces of fudge for her. This did not please Mom, who is justifiably upset that her child and grandchildren don't seem to rate in her mother's eyes. I just figured it would be nice since she doesn't get Gertrude Hawk's very often, you know. Mom and I had already decided to get gifts and put Grandma's name on them for the kids. I did tell Grandma that she had damn well better treat cousin 2's kid the same way she treats my niece and nephew. But she won't. She'll dote on the little mite when she's born. It's predictable.
When we got home, I read. I didn't bother turning on the television, even though I knew I'd be missing two of my favorite shows: Numb3rs and Stargate: Atlantis. I read a book I had just gotten at Target when we stopped to get Christmas cards. It was a good book, too. Lara Adrian's Midnight Awakening. I could have turned on the television and stitched, but I chose to read and miss shows I ordinarily am very annoyed if I miss. I guess Grandma's attitude really got to me.
Oh, I told Mom this morning not to get me a gift and put her name on it. As an experiment, I want to see if anyone will notice that I am the only person without a gift to open on Christmas. Maybe then they'll believe me when I tell them some of the things she does. If they even notice, which I really doubt. TAFH might notice, but that's it. She actually believes us when we tell her some of the things Mrs. Hyde does.
The worst part is not that she doesn't think we deserve presents. It's that lately she's been pretty good. Mrs. Hyde has poked her head out briefly each week, but not to this extent. Not even after her fall. We've been joking this week about the present she'll get me. I keep joking she'll get me a book or a gift certificate for a book and she does her whole too many books routine. It's a running gag. Well, I guess the joke's on me, now.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sleeeeeeeeeppppppyyyyyyy
Grandma fell today. She's a bit confused. She knows she's going to one aunt's house for Christmas, so she keeps getting her shoes on and getting upset with us for not bringing her over, even though we have two weeks yet. She also knows she's going to TAFH's house after Christmas and keeps asking about that. Then there's the fact that Mom was going to take her to the bank today, which didn't happen because of the fall.
Lately, she's had a lot of trouble getting up from the couch and needs a hand up nearly every time. She's calling for Mom or I all night and for the stupidest things, like just wanting to find out where we are. Sunday she called me from the front room because she needed to go to the bathroom and thought she needed help walking there. It's a shorter distance from the couch to the bathroom than it is to the monitor she stood in front of to call me! If I stay downstairs, she tells me to go upstairs but if I go usptairs she thinks I sleep and won't hear her when she calls me. I slept two hours Sunday night and about four last night. I only slept that much because I slept in an hour and was late to work today!
On the other hand, she does really well late at night. Her internal clock is totally gone. She sleeps all day and stays up all night. She's aware and alert at night rather than the daytime.
Argh! Now she's on about my laundry again. Can I help it that we do not have a clothes dryer and I have to put my laundry on the radiators to dry? If I do more than one load of laundry every two weeks I get screamed at. Since it takes me about four loads to do all of my laundry every two weeks, I get in trouble a lot. I'm not even washing clothing right now. Mom's taking a shower, washing the dye out of her hair!
She was teasing us last night. It's almost like dealing with a person with Multiple Personality Disorder. She switches from totally apathetic to cheerful to the Exorcist all in half an hour's span! It's a roller coaster ride trying to keep up with her personalities and demands.
She's really sore right now from the fall and needs a lot of help. Mom has to work early so she'll be going to bed early so I'm going to have to stay up late again. I'm so exhausted.
Am I selfish to just want to sleep for twelve hours and have everyone leave me the bloody hell alone!? Mom intends for us to replace the kitchen floor while Grandma is gone to my aunt's after Christmas. We know she's going for a week, but she thinks it's for two weeks. In a way, I sincerely hope she's right. I could use two weeks vacation. One week is nice, but two weeks would be utterly amazing.
I know it sounds like I don't love her. I do but it's exhausting keeping up with the dementia and her physical limitations. Gods help me if she gets worse...when she gets worse.
Lately, she's had a lot of trouble getting up from the couch and needs a hand up nearly every time. She's calling for Mom or I all night and for the stupidest things, like just wanting to find out where we are. Sunday she called me from the front room because she needed to go to the bathroom and thought she needed help walking there. It's a shorter distance from the couch to the bathroom than it is to the monitor she stood in front of to call me! If I stay downstairs, she tells me to go upstairs but if I go usptairs she thinks I sleep and won't hear her when she calls me. I slept two hours Sunday night and about four last night. I only slept that much because I slept in an hour and was late to work today!
On the other hand, she does really well late at night. Her internal clock is totally gone. She sleeps all day and stays up all night. She's aware and alert at night rather than the daytime.
Argh! Now she's on about my laundry again. Can I help it that we do not have a clothes dryer and I have to put my laundry on the radiators to dry? If I do more than one load of laundry every two weeks I get screamed at. Since it takes me about four loads to do all of my laundry every two weeks, I get in trouble a lot. I'm not even washing clothing right now. Mom's taking a shower, washing the dye out of her hair!
She was teasing us last night. It's almost like dealing with a person with Multiple Personality Disorder. She switches from totally apathetic to cheerful to the Exorcist all in half an hour's span! It's a roller coaster ride trying to keep up with her personalities and demands.
She's really sore right now from the fall and needs a lot of help. Mom has to work early so she'll be going to bed early so I'm going to have to stay up late again. I'm so exhausted.
Am I selfish to just want to sleep for twelve hours and have everyone leave me the bloody hell alone!? Mom intends for us to replace the kitchen floor while Grandma is gone to my aunt's after Christmas. We know she's going for a week, but she thinks it's for two weeks. In a way, I sincerely hope she's right. I could use two weeks vacation. One week is nice, but two weeks would be utterly amazing.
I know it sounds like I don't love her. I do but it's exhausting keeping up with the dementia and her physical limitations. Gods help me if she gets worse...when she gets worse.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Family Tree fun
I've been slacking on my stitching. I bought Family Tree Maker on Thursday and have been trying to get as much done before my thirty-day trial with Ancestry.com runs out. I just found out that it'll be $30 a month if I keep the subscription going. I think I'm going to do it. I can afford it if I cut back on something else, probably stitching stuff. I'm finally doing what I wanted my laptop for. Now, if I can just gather all my genealogy research from the many corners of the house it's been scattered to since I've not been able to do anything with it, I'll be all set.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Toys for Tots and Punk bands?
I'm deaf in one ear. I spent the day yesterday with a few friends at The Backstage in Kingston. It was a benefit for Toys for Tots called Christmas for a Cause. Lots of punk bands, my friend's band Devils Are A Girls Best Friends and a few very uncomfortable-looking Marines hanging out for a good cause. It was great. I heard Kim's band, some of Sorrowsun, The Cutters and Lugosi's Morphine. I think I liked The Cutters the best of the Punk bands.
LM was good except for the fact that as I was standing by the wall avoiding the lemmings having seizures I started getting dizzy when they hit a certain rhythm. There must have been something in the pitch they were using at certain times that was playing havoc with my inner ear. Weird.
LM was good except for the fact that as I was standing by the wall avoiding the lemmings having seizures I started getting dizzy when they hit a certain rhythm. There must have been something in the pitch they were using at certain times that was playing havoc with my inner ear. Weird.
Monday, November 19, 2007
First snow of Winter 2007 - picture heavy
It finally feels a little like Winter. Enjoy some picture love:
Yes, I decided to risk being covered in cold, wet, white stuff and stood under branches taking this shot. These were all taken this morning.
These are just plain neat. First, nothing can kill Mint: not snow, not frost, not even a drought. I love this stuff!
I took these last night while it was still snowing. All three were shot with flash at about midnight. Great time for photography, right? Well, I actually like the effect. You can see the snow coming down in the second shot by the streetlight. It almost looks like rainfall.
Yes, I decided to risk being covered in cold, wet, white stuff and stood under branches taking this shot. These were all taken this morning.
This would be the local RC church, Holy Rosary. I forgot to turn the photo before I uploaded it, though, so if you would kindly tilt your head to the side, you'll see it quite nicely
These are just plain neat. First, nothing can kill Mint: not snow, not frost, not even a drought. I love this stuff!
Then there are the berries. The colors against the white and dark are so cool.
And there is the really fun wildlife shot. Usually I can never get these little tree rats. They move before I get them. He stayed still until I moved in for a closer shot, but I already had one. Yay!
I love this one. It's just so moody.
Monday, November 05, 2007
B12 and Caregivers
This newest post was going to be all about how much I love B12. We've been giving Grandma a B12 shot each month for about a year and a half now and she's always a little better right afte the shot. Well, we recently began giving her B12 pills to supplement the shot. Oh, boy! Mrs. Hyde is making a lot fewer appearances lately and those times she does visit are a lot shorter. I might start taking the stuff myself.
Now, to those of you dealing with caregivers that come on while you work, what do you do when this happens? On Mondays, I go into work late, losing my $1.50 shift differential, since Mom has to be at work by 3am and my shift doesn't start until 4am. You know we'll never find someone to start at 4am so we schedule the caregiver to come by 6:30. I call for a cab to get here around the same time the caregiver should be here. Sometimes they (both cab and caregiver) can be a little late, so when the cab gets here, I go, depending on the caregiver to be there a few minutes after I leave. This did not happen today.
I called the house a few times and Mom once before my shift was supposed to start at 7am. J was still not there. So, I told my bosses that I was going to go home, stay with Grandma until J got there, then come back ASAP. I got home in 45 minutes. It's a ten-minute drive by highway, but a 45 minute to an hour walk home. I'm already beat. And J still is not here. I called her cell, but got no answer. I called Mom and she told me to giver her an hour to respond, then call Telespond.
I can't afford this shit. I need to make money ($10 of which I just wasted on a cab ride) and do my job. My income may not be as great as my mother's but a lot of the bills and resources are still paid by me, aside from my own bills like loan payments and medical. Now, my bosses were actually rather cool about it this time. They tend not to like it when I have to call off to take care of Grandma. Not that they're threatening to fire me, but you know that look your boss or another person in authority gives you when they're not happy with you? That's usually the look I get when problems with Grandma-sitting arise.
I called her as soon as I got in the house: 7:45. She still hasn't called back. Twenty-five more minutes and I have to deal with the wonderfully communicative people of Telespond (please note the heavy sarcasm).
I'm going to be working until midnight tonight to make up my time. :(
Now, to those of you dealing with caregivers that come on while you work, what do you do when this happens? On Mondays, I go into work late, losing my $1.50 shift differential, since Mom has to be at work by 3am and my shift doesn't start until 4am. You know we'll never find someone to start at 4am so we schedule the caregiver to come by 6:30. I call for a cab to get here around the same time the caregiver should be here. Sometimes they (both cab and caregiver) can be a little late, so when the cab gets here, I go, depending on the caregiver to be there a few minutes after I leave. This did not happen today.
I called the house a few times and Mom once before my shift was supposed to start at 7am. J was still not there. So, I told my bosses that I was going to go home, stay with Grandma until J got there, then come back ASAP. I got home in 45 minutes. It's a ten-minute drive by highway, but a 45 minute to an hour walk home. I'm already beat. And J still is not here. I called her cell, but got no answer. I called Mom and she told me to giver her an hour to respond, then call Telespond.
I can't afford this shit. I need to make money ($10 of which I just wasted on a cab ride) and do my job. My income may not be as great as my mother's but a lot of the bills and resources are still paid by me, aside from my own bills like loan payments and medical. Now, my bosses were actually rather cool about it this time. They tend not to like it when I have to call off to take care of Grandma. Not that they're threatening to fire me, but you know that look your boss or another person in authority gives you when they're not happy with you? That's usually the look I get when problems with Grandma-sitting arise.
I called her as soon as I got in the house: 7:45. She still hasn't called back. Twenty-five more minutes and I have to deal with the wonderfully communicative people of Telespond (please note the heavy sarcasm).
I'm going to be working until midnight tonight to make up my time. :(
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Dream Home
Is this not appropriate? I follow up a whiny/rant post with a rather cool meme...
Time-Lord's Villa
 | |
Build YOUR Dream Home! |
My Normal Day and errata
Monday: work from 7 to 3:30 (this will be switching to Wednesday after Thanksgiving); go home unless I'm sure Mom is already home, then linger at Borders for as long as I possibly can; feed Grandma dinner between 5 and 6pm, take her sugar around 8pm and give her pills, watch Chuck, try to fall asleep by 11pm.
Tuesday through Friday: work from 4 to 12:30; head home and run any errands I can on the way (must be there by 2:30pm) - If I walk to the mall I can spend some time at Borders. If I take the shuttle I just go straight home; feed Grandma dinner between 5 and 6pm, take her sugar around 8pm and give her pills, try to fall asleep by 11pm. On Fridays I watch the Sci-Fi channel and Numbers, so I tend to stay up until about 1am.
Saturday and Sunday: wake up by 8/8:30 or Grandma will wake me up just to see if I'm "ever going to get up at all" that day; take her sugar and give her pills, feed her breakfast; feed her again around noon or 1pm; feed her between 5 and 6pm; take her sugar around 8pm and give her pills; fall asleep whenever on Saturday, but by 11pm on Sunday.
As you can see, the tasks themselves aren't monumental. Grandma is able to go to the bathroom by herself usually, wipe herself and feed herself (without too much of a mess). We have a woman coming in Tuesdays and Fridays to help her bathe, since she refuses to for us. We have caregivers coming in for the times Mom and I are both at work. There is plenty of time for me to do housework if I get truly motivated - dishes and vacuuming are inventions of the devil. In fact, all I really do is stay at home or go to work - very little else.
The problems arise in getting Grandma to do the things she has to do and the general bad attitude she can have during the day if you somehow annoy her (sooooo easy to do). When you ask her what she wants to eat, her standard reply is "Nothing." So you tell her she really has to eat. "No, I don't." You run through the list of things in the house to eat and she doesn't want any of it. Finally you get "I don't care" for the answer of what she wants to eat so you get to go into the kitchen and look through the list of things you just told her about and that she doesn't want and figure out which one she'll actually eat without you having to make two or three dinners before you get to the right one. Then there are the foods she has inhaled all of her life that she suddenly takes a massive hatred to. Currently, those would be pierogies and anything with bread.
You get adventures in her taking her pills. The water must be fresh (I agree with her) even if she left over half a glass of water from her morning pills. You pour a glass of water, stick some ice in it (or not) and put it in front of her. Then you shake the pills from the container and tell her it's time to take her pills. "I have all day to do that." "Um, no you don't. Take your pills." "I'll take them when I feel like it." At this point you can either argue yourself blue in the face or just walk away. I just walk away anymore and check in half an hour. If they're still there, then I prepare to argue.
Fresh clothing every day...novel concept. Doesn't happen. If we can get her to change her clothing three times a week, that's major. Same with brushing her hair. She changes and brushes her hair when the aide comes to bathe her. Beyond that, if we go somewhere she'll have to make an appearance other than stubbornly sitting in the car, she might change her clothing depending on how much food she's dropped on it. She definitely brushes her hair then, at least.
I know that last paragraph makes it sound like we neglect her or let her stink. Hell, no. We've just learned to pick our battles. As it is, Grandma's main activity in life right now is sleeping on the couch. She gets out of bed about the same time I go to work and shambles into the living room where she proceeds to spend the next eighteen hours or so snoring on the couch. Around 10pm she'll go into her room and sleep on her bed. That's her day. During the summer she might sit on the porch and people-watch a bit. She wakes up periodically to watch some television, eat and go to the bathroom. However, my grandmother's life has gone from active independence to sleeping practically 24/7.
I love the days when Grandma is around, not Mrs. Hyde. Well, maybe not love, but enjoy a heck of a lot more than the days I feel like I'm doing this for nothing. When Grandma is around it's completely different. She still may be limited in what she can do, but she's nice and laughs and talks to me. She doesn't tell me to go to my room if I try to feed her food or her pills. She's the woman who used to beat the pants off us at Rummy. She's the woman whom I chose as my Confirmation sponsor because I respected her so much (even if the Confirmation didn't actually stick). She's the woman who worked in a factory during WWII and made my Grandpa chase her not once but twice to get her to marry him. She's the woman who called my father "Wee Willie" even though he's 6 feet tall. She's the woman I want to be when I grow up. She's the woman who finds enjoyment in the fall foliage and gets a laugh out of the kids playing at the park across the street. That's my Grandma. That's the woman I love and will mourn when she dies.
I just have to try not to remember the woman this stupid disease has left in her place half the time. The woman who yells at me for no reason other than one locked only in her head is not my grandmother. She's someone the disease has created. She is Mrs. Hyde. I know it sounds dramatic to say that, but it's true. In the story Dr. Jekyll went from a brilliant, decent man to a monster; a person who hurt people because it was fun or they just didn't matter. That's what dementia has done to my grandmother. It has a way of taking away my Grandma and replacing her with the monster. I know it's the disease doing the yelling. I know it's the disease accusing Mom and I of moving her things or throwing them away. I know it's the disease that makes me feel like she hates me and couldn't possibly love me. The problem is that the disease is looking out of my Grandma's eyes and the words are being said using the voice of a woman I thought loved me. It's hard to separate the two women and be understanding like I'm told I have to be when all I want to do is curl up in her arms and cry because she's my Grandma and she's supposed to be comforting me, not the other way around.
Tuesday through Friday: work from 4 to 12:30; head home and run any errands I can on the way (must be there by 2:30pm) - If I walk to the mall I can spend some time at Borders. If I take the shuttle I just go straight home; feed Grandma dinner between 5 and 6pm, take her sugar around 8pm and give her pills, try to fall asleep by 11pm. On Fridays I watch the Sci-Fi channel and Numbers, so I tend to stay up until about 1am.
Saturday and Sunday: wake up by 8/8:30 or Grandma will wake me up just to see if I'm "ever going to get up at all" that day; take her sugar and give her pills, feed her breakfast; feed her again around noon or 1pm; feed her between 5 and 6pm; take her sugar around 8pm and give her pills; fall asleep whenever on Saturday, but by 11pm on Sunday.
As you can see, the tasks themselves aren't monumental. Grandma is able to go to the bathroom by herself usually, wipe herself and feed herself (without too much of a mess). We have a woman coming in Tuesdays and Fridays to help her bathe, since she refuses to for us. We have caregivers coming in for the times Mom and I are both at work. There is plenty of time for me to do housework if I get truly motivated - dishes and vacuuming are inventions of the devil. In fact, all I really do is stay at home or go to work - very little else.
The problems arise in getting Grandma to do the things she has to do and the general bad attitude she can have during the day if you somehow annoy her (sooooo easy to do). When you ask her what she wants to eat, her standard reply is "Nothing." So you tell her she really has to eat. "No, I don't." You run through the list of things in the house to eat and she doesn't want any of it. Finally you get "I don't care" for the answer of what she wants to eat so you get to go into the kitchen and look through the list of things you just told her about and that she doesn't want and figure out which one she'll actually eat without you having to make two or three dinners before you get to the right one. Then there are the foods she has inhaled all of her life that she suddenly takes a massive hatred to. Currently, those would be pierogies and anything with bread.
You get adventures in her taking her pills. The water must be fresh (I agree with her) even if she left over half a glass of water from her morning pills. You pour a glass of water, stick some ice in it (or not) and put it in front of her. Then you shake the pills from the container and tell her it's time to take her pills. "I have all day to do that." "Um, no you don't. Take your pills." "I'll take them when I feel like it." At this point you can either argue yourself blue in the face or just walk away. I just walk away anymore and check in half an hour. If they're still there, then I prepare to argue.
Fresh clothing every day...novel concept. Doesn't happen. If we can get her to change her clothing three times a week, that's major. Same with brushing her hair. She changes and brushes her hair when the aide comes to bathe her. Beyond that, if we go somewhere she'll have to make an appearance other than stubbornly sitting in the car, she might change her clothing depending on how much food she's dropped on it. She definitely brushes her hair then, at least.
I know that last paragraph makes it sound like we neglect her or let her stink. Hell, no. We've just learned to pick our battles. As it is, Grandma's main activity in life right now is sleeping on the couch. She gets out of bed about the same time I go to work and shambles into the living room where she proceeds to spend the next eighteen hours or so snoring on the couch. Around 10pm she'll go into her room and sleep on her bed. That's her day. During the summer she might sit on the porch and people-watch a bit. She wakes up periodically to watch some television, eat and go to the bathroom. However, my grandmother's life has gone from active independence to sleeping practically 24/7.
I love the days when Grandma is around, not Mrs. Hyde. Well, maybe not love, but enjoy a heck of a lot more than the days I feel like I'm doing this for nothing. When Grandma is around it's completely different. She still may be limited in what she can do, but she's nice and laughs and talks to me. She doesn't tell me to go to my room if I try to feed her food or her pills. She's the woman who used to beat the pants off us at Rummy. She's the woman whom I chose as my Confirmation sponsor because I respected her so much (even if the Confirmation didn't actually stick). She's the woman who worked in a factory during WWII and made my Grandpa chase her not once but twice to get her to marry him. She's the woman who called my father "Wee Willie" even though he's 6 feet tall. She's the woman I want to be when I grow up. She's the woman who finds enjoyment in the fall foliage and gets a laugh out of the kids playing at the park across the street. That's my Grandma. That's the woman I love and will mourn when she dies.
I just have to try not to remember the woman this stupid disease has left in her place half the time. The woman who yells at me for no reason other than one locked only in her head is not my grandmother. She's someone the disease has created. She is Mrs. Hyde. I know it sounds dramatic to say that, but it's true. In the story Dr. Jekyll went from a brilliant, decent man to a monster; a person who hurt people because it was fun or they just didn't matter. That's what dementia has done to my grandmother. It has a way of taking away my Grandma and replacing her with the monster. I know it's the disease doing the yelling. I know it's the disease accusing Mom and I of moving her things or throwing them away. I know it's the disease that makes me feel like she hates me and couldn't possibly love me. The problem is that the disease is looking out of my Grandma's eyes and the words are being said using the voice of a woman I thought loved me. It's hard to separate the two women and be understanding like I'm told I have to be when all I want to do is curl up in her arms and cry because she's my Grandma and she's supposed to be comforting me, not the other way around.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
NaNoWriMo
Well, I've signed up for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words between November 1st and November 3oth. It doesn't particularly matter if the writing is good or not (whew!) as long as you write a large novella of at least 50,000 words. I have been doing something I never do: outlining. Which might be why I never finish a real story, actually. I think this one has a good idea behind it.You know how everyone says to write what you know, well right now the thing I know best is caregiving, so that will have a major element in my story. For scenes with my heroine's grandmother I probably won't even have to stretch my imagination too much. I can vividly recall arguments and conversations with Grandma now, so I can just recreate some of them. Although, I think my heroine's grandmother might be slightly nicer. After all, noone would believe the truth, would they?
Anyway, I'm at the U right now, polishing up the outline and updating my NaNoWriMo page with title and such (and wasting time blogging). Mom says she's taking Grandma out for a spin today. Oh! I have to call her and tell her to go to the Alpine Inn and get some KinderEggs since she's going towards Honesdale anyway.
She said maybe, maybe not. Now she's not sure she's going at all since Grandma is still sleeping. I swear, the woman needs to get out of the house. Actually, both of them do. I told Mom she should call her friend to go out tonight, but she blew me off since Sinspired and I might possibly go somewhere, even though I told her Sinspired is busy tonight and we're not going anywhere tonight for certain. Jeez, you'd think the woman actually doesn't want a night off.
Oh, I'll probably be using Shadow's Words to update the WriMo, if anyone is interested.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Apples and Oranges
Thank the Gods for TAFH (and my brother, too, I guess). Grandma will be going down to her house one weekend a month every month (hopefully). Someone will bring her down and my brother will bring her home after his monthly weekend for the Reserves. She went down this last weekend and Mom and I really got out.
After work on Friday I got to the library to do some genealogy research. Saturday I went downtown to look for benchmarks and take some pictures. Afterward, Mom and I went to both Miller's and Roba's corn mazes! We went to Miller's first but were less than impressed. the maze was too easy. However, they had apple trees to pick. That was fun. Then we went to Roba's (successful guilt trip on Mom for once!) and got lost in the maze for about an hour and a half. Loved it!
We had to replace the thermostat last night.
Today I left work early because we had no one to watch Grandma after 9am. I left at 10:30 and got a ride halfway so I only had about fifteen minutes to walk. I just couldn't afford to leave any earlier, by money and workload standards. I feel guilty about leaving her alone for two hours, but I need to make money so I can afford to buy her food and pay the heating bill and all that fun stuff.
I realized as I was walking that I actually feel guilty about eating at home. Unless I specifially buy something for my particular consumption, I don't like eating here. I feel like I'm eating something she might have wanted. Does this make sense? As it is, Mom and I have totally given up on eating Gluten-free. It's impossible to buy enough variety of foods that Grandma will actually be willing to eat and still buy the much more expensive foods that Mom and I can eat. If the choice is to make sure Grandma eats and buy something safe for us, we choose to feed Grandma. We basically have to buy two to three times what she actually eats for her because we have to go through such a list before we finally hit something she'll eat. The woman refuses to eat GF for us. She'll eat whatever TAFH serves, but she gives us problems every time.
For lunch today, I made her a microwaveable turkey and dressing meal. She refused to eat it. Instead, she was willing (after many suggestions) to eat half a cheese sandwich. I took one piece of bread, folded it and stuck cheese in between, then I got griped at that it wasn't half a sandwich. Probably because it wasn't cut diagonally. *sigh* Adventures in Grandma-sitting, indeed.
After work on Friday I got to the library to do some genealogy research. Saturday I went downtown to look for benchmarks and take some pictures. Afterward, Mom and I went to both Miller's and Roba's corn mazes! We went to Miller's first but were less than impressed. the maze was too easy. However, they had apple trees to pick. That was fun. Then we went to Roba's (successful guilt trip on Mom for once!) and got lost in the maze for about an hour and a half. Loved it!
We had to replace the thermostat last night.
Today I left work early because we had no one to watch Grandma after 9am. I left at 10:30 and got a ride halfway so I only had about fifteen minutes to walk. I just couldn't afford to leave any earlier, by money and workload standards. I feel guilty about leaving her alone for two hours, but I need to make money so I can afford to buy her food and pay the heating bill and all that fun stuff.
I realized as I was walking that I actually feel guilty about eating at home. Unless I specifially buy something for my particular consumption, I don't like eating here. I feel like I'm eating something she might have wanted. Does this make sense? As it is, Mom and I have totally given up on eating Gluten-free. It's impossible to buy enough variety of foods that Grandma will actually be willing to eat and still buy the much more expensive foods that Mom and I can eat. If the choice is to make sure Grandma eats and buy something safe for us, we choose to feed Grandma. We basically have to buy two to three times what she actually eats for her because we have to go through such a list before we finally hit something she'll eat. The woman refuses to eat GF for us. She'll eat whatever TAFH serves, but she gives us problems every time.
For lunch today, I made her a microwaveable turkey and dressing meal. She refused to eat it. Instead, she was willing (after many suggestions) to eat half a cheese sandwich. I took one piece of bread, folded it and stuck cheese in between, then I got griped at that it wasn't half a sandwich. Probably because it wasn't cut diagonally. *sigh* Adventures in Grandma-sitting, indeed.
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