Why? (A Long Grandma Update and Rant)

I have to wonder why we do this. Why do Mom and I subject ourselves to this mental abuse? We love Grandma, but it's getting harder and harder to deal with both her and the family's attitudes.

TAFH was in this weekend. She immediately turned off the air conditioner. She saw that Grandma had her sweater on (and shorts) and made like it was too cold in the house. It was 76 degrees. TAFH was cold, after all, and there's no reason for Grandma to wear a sweater if she's chilly. Never mind the fact that it's simply habit for the woman to pull the afghan over her when she's not even cold. Especially never mind the fact that when TAFH comes in and other time the thermostat MUST be set at 68. "Just put on a blanket, Mom." But it was too cold and we had to open the doors. She's a cheap little bitch. I apologize if any minors are reading this, but that's the nicest way I could put it. Grandma just backed her up and told me I was wrong when I stood up for Grandma. I was then chastised for not having read the owner's manual of Grandma's air conditioner.

That was just for starters. There was the strawberry-picking adventure, the Chinese take-out fiasco, the cutting remarks and the pure illogic of the woman. Coming back from Pallman's Farm, where we pick the strawberries, she had to pick up sugar and gelatin. We were going to pass right by Gerrity's and both Grandma and I were perfectly amenable to wait in the car for the few minutes it would take her to run into the store and get the stuff. We actually even agreed that it made more sense for us to do that. Of course that wouldn't fly. We had to drive right by Gerrity's, go home and unload the entire car, then TAFH went back to Gerrity's. *sigh* She'd make a terrible Vulcan.

The best was at the very end. Apparently, Mom and I chose the worst week for everybody else as our week to take our vacation, even though it was literally the only week we could take given our schedules. Oh, and two months notice isn't enough time for all of them to figure out who is going to take care of Grandma when. She actually told me that we don't have to schedule our lives around them, but that's what it sounded like to me. None of them ever ask us about whether or not their vacations, dates, book clubs, nights out with friends (What the hell are those anyway? Not friends, but nights out...) might be happening at a time inconvenient for us. They rarely (practically never) offer to help us with Grandma.

Aunt L comes over every Saturday, early in the morning to bring over some fruit that she picks up at Aldi's and check to see if there are any bills to be paid. She does this early enough that Grandma and I are still both asleep so she doesn't really visit with Grandma or give me any time to myself. Uncle B occasionally asks her over for dinner. Both of them will come over and watch her if we absolutely need them, but we're nearly always made to feel guilty for asking. Like tonight: B, the lady who watches Grandma during the day, told Mom this morning that she's off tomorrow because she doesn't work holidays. This is news to us, by the way. No one ever mentioned this. I had to call Aunt L and she was quite grudging about it. I can't afford to lose a day's pay. Neither can Mom. Aunt L's a teacher. I'm sorry if she had plans, but this is for her damned mother!

And then there's TAFH. This charming woman does give us time off when she's in, but is it really worth having one night out every month or so, to have to put up with a near-constant stream of negativity and belittling? If she doesn't have something to complain about, she's not happy. I swear the woman is pure poison. I'd say she's clueless, but I think she knows precisely what she says and takes pleasure in the fact that at least one of us (me) can't say "boo" to her, no matter what she says. I deserved a medal for my silence in the Chinese take-out fiasco.

I was going to order salads for Grandma and I before TAFH got home. She didn't want salads. She preferred Chinese. Grandma doesn't really like Chinese, but she agreed to get it anyway. TAFH, of course, had to tell me that Mom and I were wrong about the spring rolls. They apparently "don't have just a little bit of wheat, they have a lot." Fine, we were wrong. We've never had a problem with them, so we'll look out for them from now on. She was a snot about it, though. Then the air conditioner thing happened and I retreated upstairs. When the food finally arrived, she wanted me to give her ten dollars to pay the delivery guy. I told her I'd put it on the credit card. She apparently thought I was saying that I would put it on the card. I kept repeating that I put it on the card, but once something gets in her head, she's unstoppable. She only stopped paying the dude when I asked her to make sure my card wasn't charged. Of course, as we were unloading the food she had to give me a grammar lesson and tell me I spoke unclearly and was wrong. Hello, this is the woman who is such a bad writer she can't get published on her own. She's a professor going for tenure, so publication's a big thing. I am the one that has had articles printed under my byline in a newspaper. Granted, it was local paper and small, but I was still published, paid and asked to write an article for them. I was editor of a college 'zine. I was copy editor at my college newspaper. I think I know something about grammar and proper usage of language. Snide, pompous pain in the arse.

Oy! Toss in my father's side of the family and we have the true dysfunctional American family.

It's Alive! (Sorta)

I am alive, I promise. Or this is a zombie typing right now. Take your pick. Real life is just really intruding right now.

Now to quickly check my email and get back to non-computer work.

Sorry.

Busy week and a great site!

This is the first time I've had to really play on the computer since Monday. I worked overnight Tuesday and Wednesday, my regular schedule Friday, had a wedding Saturday and slept most of the other hours except for a few where I got together with some friends on Friday night.


Basically, this post is about a new site I found thanks to a fellow member on the Tall, Dark and Wickedly Handsome group I belong to. It's a book swap service. You pay $1.59 postage and mail a paperback that you have posted to a person that has requested it. You get credit and can then request a book from someone else. They pay the postage and mail it to you. So, for $1.59 you get a new (used) book. How cool is that? I've already mailed two and received two. I'm liking this. The books I've marked for future trade are all OOP and necessary to complete an author collection! Anyway, the website's address is this:

http://www.paperbackswap.com/

If you are an avid reader, check it out. If not, but you still have books to get rid of, you might want to look at this page on their site:

http://www.paperbackswap.com/misc/hurricane_katrina/index.php

Cheers!

Well, today I turn thirty years old. Actually, I've been thirty since 4:10PM.

Funny, I don't feel older. Not really.

I guess I should take stock of the things I still want to do with my life. This list is in a tentative order, except for the first three. I think they are the most vital and I must accomplish them.

1. Lose 100 pounds (at least) and get back down to a size 12. (And stay there for the rest of my life!)
2. Go back to college and get my degrees in History and Library Science. Once I get them and get a decent career I can go back for another degree like Anthropology.
3. This isn't really one I want to do, it's more like I have to: Learn how to drive a car so I can get my motorcycle license and a scooter. A motorcycle would be preferable, but a scooter would be sufficient for my purposes.
4. Learn how to speak ASL, German and Latin.
5. Have something published, even if it's just my stitching patterns.
6. Visit Ireland, England, Germany and Egypt (Along with every other country in the world and Antarctica! I'll just list those four as the major goals right now.)
7. Learn how to fly a small plane.
8. Learn sky- and scuba diving.
9. Get a cat and some frogs.
10. I guess I should add the old standard of a long-term boyfriend/husband and adopting kids even though I'm not sure they really are one of my life-long goals.

Anyway, one, two and three must be accomplished within a year. The rest I have time for. Four depends on number two. Seven and eight are contingent on number three, unfortunately. Number ten, well, if I get around to it, then I get around to it. Five, six and nine, well, they'll happen in time.

Stitching Addiction

Besides books, music and genealogy, I have one more addiction. I love stitching - specifically cross-stitch. I'm fascinated by the play of the colors of the threads and how using only the simplest of passes by a needle a work of art is formed. Here is an example of one of my desgins. There are many more, of course. I just haven't stitched most of them.

Also, here's a Blackwork Celtic Cross I designed and stitched for Mom. I just have to frame it. I'm including a detail picture of the stitches that make up the cross and circle. I'm sorry they're a little blurry. I've never had the steadiest hand with a camera.

Taxis

While surfing for information about a date for my history blog, I came across this blog: New York Hack. Well, actually I was taking a break from searching and reading Peter's blog. This one is written by a young woman who drives a taxi in NYC. It's good. Some of the stuff that happens to her is simply absurd. Check it out.

Pictures from Memorial Day Weekend

Relatives and friends paying visits. The first picture is of our cousin and his fiancee. They used to date as kids but married others. Now they've hooked up again! Talk about cool. Grandma's in the middle.

The brunette with Mom is her friend from high school. They are planning a reunion for Central High Class of 1971. (If you graduated from or know anyone who graduated from Central High School in Scranton, Pennsylvania in 1971, email me.)

A cool carved head at the front of the Rockwell Museum. Just for shits and giggles I got a closer pic. It's not quite shooting up his nostrils.

Inuit sculptures with artwork on the walls. The serpentine sculpture is of a narwhal. The painting in the middle is of a creation story. The group of sculptures are also made of serpentine, except for the little rockpile one. I forget what it was made of.


Mom and Grandma on the way out of the museum. It was a nice trip. LOL. I actually got a butt shot of them before this, but have been threatened if I show it. It's actually a sweet picture of two old broads (nyah nyah, Mom) walking together. Maybe I'll smuggle it on here one day.

I thought I was done for the night. I just read about two deaths that I have to pass on if people missed them.

Desmond Dekker - my favorite Reggae artist, died Friday of a heart attack.
Paul Gleason - the vice-principal from The Breakfast Club, died Saturday of cancer.

Since this is Memorial Day (observed), here's the latest tally of deaths in Iraq.

Memorial Day Weekend

Okay, we missed the Irish Festival at Jack Frost. Everyone else in the family was too busy to watch Grandma on the one weekend Mom and I plan away every single frickin' year. So we missed the two bands we've been begging and lobbying the ICS and Jack Frost to get up there: Seven Nations and Blackthorn. Seven Nations has two more appearances in Pennsylvania this year. Maybe we can get to one of them. I spent much of Saturday doing something I don't remember. It must not have been too exciting. Oh, wait, I was working on my blackwork stuff. That's fun, at least.

On Sunday I updated poor, neglected History's Shadow. I did some today too, but haven't finished the posts, so they're hiding out as drafts. Sorry. Then I went to see X-Men with a few friends. I liked it, even though they surprised me by killing off *** (Hah! You thought I'd spill the beans about poor, um, never mind.). Yes, they did manage to set it up for another. After the movie and nibbles we went to one of the group's house and played a game I rather like: Settlers of Catan. I have a feeling I'm going to buy this game. Let's just see if I can convince some family members to play this instead of Trivial Pursuit (at which I rock!) on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Finally, today. Mom, Grandma and I went for a day trip to Corning, New York and this time we hit the Rockwell Museum of Western Art. As usual I was most impressed by the landscapes and the sculptures. I really liked the Inuit sculptures and some field studies by an artist whose name I'll have to get back to you on. They're going to be having an Ansel Adams exhibit starting June 8th and running through the beginning of September, so Mom and I are going to stop there on our way back from Canada. We had intended to go to the Corning Museum anyway to do some more glasswork, but miss Ansel? Never!

The trip was actually nice. Grandma was nice and joking. She even paid for lunch! My only beef is the fact that it's just too darned hot. At the moment I'm typing this my room is 86 degrees with the fan sucking in any cool air that might actually exist outside. We passed a thermometer on the way home and it said 96 degrees at 5pm. Ugh! Summer is definitely here.

Once we download (upload?) the photos from the camera I'll be able to share them here.

So, all in all, even with missing the festival, the weekend wasn't too bad. Some moments were very fun, in fact. Although, if we miss the next festival, some heads are just going to have to roll. Especially since I just noticed that we missed the Glengarry Bhoys, too. Argh! My aunt better have won a hell of a lot of money in Atlantic City this weekend. *grumblegrumblegrumble*

Since I missed my yearly Irish music fix, I'll have to settle for this:
One of Marc Gunn's many wonderful Irish music blogs.
Another one of his.
Source of free British/Celtic free mp3 downloads (along with all other genres, too. Great indie sounds here.)
A version of one of my favorite songs, The Sick Note.
Here's my absolute favorite Irish song, The Minstrel Boy and the Wikipedia entry on it. A sharp-eyed reader might see where I was first introduced to it. ;p I'm such an Army Brat.
Just for giggles, a funny blog entry about The Minstrel Boy.

Have fun, all.

Courtesy of Kim:


Which Character Are You? Find out Here!

I seem to have some Sage-thing going on lately. I guess it's a good thing they are my favorite types of Gods, eh? Although, on further investigation of this guy - I really don't turn into a monster. Honestly, I don't, excepting of course, one full week of each month...

Doctors and compliments (A Grandma Update)

Mom and I took Grandma to the doctor yesterday. Mom spoke to him about her behavior. He agrees with us that the dementia is really grabbing hold of her.

When Mom asked him about the fact that Grandma treats us so differently than the other relatives, he told us it's actually a compliment. Supposedly, since she feels comfortable enough with us to tell us the truth (or what she perceives as the truth) and not hide anything or put up a front, this is a good thing. She apparently doesn't trust the others as much.

I just feel so privileged.

Super Mario Bros. Live

No, we're not talking the cheezy Bob Hoskins movie. This is even better. Students from Gordon College put on a live skit of the entire first level.



Enjoy, all you Nintendo nuts out there.

Grandma and the load of laundry...

Well, if you ever forget to hang a load of laundry out to dry for a few days and have to rinse it again - muzzle your grandmother first.

She has this habit of washing an outfit, yes, I said outfit - one shirt, one pair of pants, sometimes socks and underwear - as an extra-large load. When I do laundry, I wash an entire extra-large load of my clothing. I tend to do about three loads per two weeks. Reds and darks, my khakis and lights, and a mixed-up load somewhere in between the main loads. Well, yours truly did a load of reds and darks last Sunday and left it in the basket until Mom put it back in the washer to be rinsed again sometime between last night and this morning. I had enough red shirts for the week and didn't miss them. (One of which has to go since I can now put my entire hand through the hole at the bottom - but if I tuck it into my pants you never see the hole. Hmm.)

Grandma is actually the one that told me about the load being in the washer. She told me this about three hours ago. I put them through the wash again and they were finally done about an hour and a half ago. She started on me about washing a load twice and I admitted that I screwed up. I admitted this to her. Well, she kept at it about her water bill so I, being fed up with her snarkiness of the last few days, told her off about her extra-large loads of one outfit and the fact that we pay for the water too. I ended up telling her that unless she actually washed full loads she can't say a thing about laundry to me. I got the last word! Until...

Well, it's too late to hang them according to what Grandma usually says, but she's nagging at me to hang them out anyway. (Besides, it's been raining off an on all day!) I didn't. I brought them upstairs to hang on the drying rack. I only hung a few things up since the rack is on it's last leg and fading fast. I figured to dry things out gradually on it. Ninja Grandma decided she was going to take a walk upstairs and see what I'd done so she could find something wrong with it. She did. "So, you're going to leave them in the basket until you have to wash them again!" "No, I'm drying some of them now and will hang the others out later." I made the mistake of saying "out" instead of "up" and she immediately pounced on my poor phrasing and got on me about the fact that it was too late to hang them out.

Oy! I'm really trying to be patient and kind and understanding. Really, I am. My tongue is riddled with holes. LOL. Mom just bought a nice, big bucket of margarita mix and some tequila. I get the cool-looking bottle. Personally, I've been making inroads into my Easter candy stash. The Dove chocolate bunny got it last night.

I can't believe it. I found the perfect picture at the U of NC Greensboro gallery page. This is how I actually feel. I was looking for a picture of a person hung up on a clothesline but found one better.

Mom, look! It's Bearie! (Turning thirty and I still have a teddy bear that I won't let my niece run away with even though she's tried.)

Government Stupidity

Someone remind me why I actually watch the news. The Shrub was just on ABC about illegal immigration and made sure he mentioned the USA as "One Nation Under God."

Oh, jeez, and as I watch the Senate Committee just passed that effing amendment that would make same-sex marriage illegal. Granted, people say the amendment would never get the two-thirds vote necessary, but you know what, I wouldn't put it past our Senate to do just that, even the Demmies. Just to stay in office.

Sometimes I hate my government.

Final thought: Neveah. How heavenly. Not! I wonder how many women are going to be changing their names when they hit the age when they enter the professional workforce?

Yoda!

Okay, I had to try this one after seeing it on Scott's blog. It won't let me paste the results, but I do like them!

Which Sci-Fi Character Are You?

I am Yoda! Yes! Yes!

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Oh, and I love the website's name: tk421.net. I think he/she might be just a tad obsessed with Star Wars, don't you?

Cheers...er...May the Force be with you!

Grandma (nice), food and flowers

We took Grandma out to dinner last night. It was actually nice. She was Grandma for the night. *crossing fingers* Let's hope it lasts.

We went to Applebee's where Mom and I had mostly GF food (at least until desert - order the Apple Chimicheesecake!). We had the waitress request shrimp with not a blamed thing on it for Grandma. She demolished it and the apple pie ala mode. Mom and I had the Asiago chicken. Yummy! I also tried Mom's margarita. Ugh! I, of course, lasted about ten minutes before the alcohol had worked its way through me. Well, at least Mom and Grandma were amused.

We got our flowers from the Corning Museum. I really like them. Mom's not too happy with hers, but I think it's beautiful. I think they both are, if I may be immodest. Our first glass creations! Yay! Since we joined Corning as members they will definitely not be our last.

Mom's flower is the purple-tipped, clear-petaled, lavender-stemmed one. Mine is green-stemmed with red glass inside clear petals. LOL. The stem of Mom's flower has a hole tubing down its length that you can blow through. Mine is sealed. Darn!

Cheers.

Four absurd articles...

Apparently, the king of Saudi Arabia feels that showing pictures of women (all dressed appropriately, of course) could lead young men astray. He has "requested" that editors of the state-run/guided media refrain from publishing such pictures.

http://apnews.excite.com/article/20060516/D8HL1T7O1.html

And on the homefront, a homeowner in Florida who shot an alligator that had been in her house, attacking her dog, was given a citation for hunting without a license.

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060517104309990006&ncid=NWS00010000000001

Just to make the world a little creepier, two more articles:

A couple in Missouri were denied an occupancy permit (you need one in the first place?) because they are unmarried and have three children. The town's ordinance says no more than three people may live together unless they are related by "blood, marriage or adoption." One question about this: does this mean that the kids each have different blood (Does one have purple? Another green and yet another blue?) than their genetic parents and don't qualify as the connector between the two adults?

http://news.findlaw.com/ap/o/632/05-17-2006/54ea00091d9bd642.html

When we get a little extra money, we pay our bills down right? Well, not unless you want Homeland Security tapping your phoneline.

http://www.shns.com/shns/g_index2.cfm?action=detail&pk=RAISEALARM-02-28-06

You just can't make this stuff up...

Soapbox - Advanced Reading Copies

Okay, all of you know I'm something of an obsessed reader. Hell, my dream job is a librarian. So, lately the talk on some of my authors' blogs has been about Advanced Reading Copies (unedited proofs sent to reviewers and interested parties prior to a book's release). A lot of these have been turning up on sale sites like eBay and Amazon. This is illegal! These books have not been purchased. The authors have not received credit for sales.

Sometimes authors will give an ARC away as a contest prize. I'm craving one from Julia Quinn at the moment, actually. This is fine. The problem only occurs when the book is sold.

Please, if you see an ARC for sale somewhere, let the author or their publishing company know. It's like buying books without covers (which I did before I knew better, I will admit).

Now, before anyone refers me back to my publishing rant a few weeks ago, I consider buying books at used bookstores totally different than this. That was a case of buying a RE-sold book. Feehan and Coulter at least received credit for one sale from them. This is a case of buying a book that has NEVER been sold - basically, the book is stolen merchandise.

There are at least two eBay sellers that have special sections for ARCs in their stores. They are citing them as collectors' items. There is currently an ARC of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on eBay with an asked-for opening bid of $800.

To be honest, I would probably be a little more lenient if the ARC is of a book older than, say, four years. These probably could be considered collecters' editions. Theoretically, the person buying it is a huge fan trying to collect everything the author ever published and would have already been buying the books normally as they come out. There's still the issue that it was never paid for in the first place, though. So, someone is getting paid for something they had no right to sell. (hot! hot! hot!)

Okay, I guess I've made my point - time to pack up the soapbox.

Um, anyone know how to fold these things? I can never figure them out. They're like maps.

Trip to Corning tidbits

On the way home from Corning my brother called to tell us that he's being redeployed to Iraq in September. He'll be gone for four months again. I think he'll have two more tours like this in the next two years. He wanted us to take care of his dog for him, though. Ugh! She's nice, but she's a huge black dog. We politely avoid each other when I'm visiting. I don't think we can take her, though. Grandma would have not just one bird, but an entire nest! I mean, really, I can't even have fish!

Anyway, something funny happened. In June I'll be going up to Big Flats to help set up a store there. We passed it! Mom looked at me and I looked at her and we smiled, then she pulled off to go find it. LOL. It's going to be huge. At least I can tell everyone how to get there when we go.

That's it, really. We had fun. Tomorrow we're going to see Poseidon. Ebert didn't like it, so Mom and I will love it. Any movies he likes, we think they suck. Any movies he hates, we love. So much for the critics, eh?

Oh, and Mom should be bringing home some Kinder-eggs tonight from a place near her new store. Mwa-ha-ha! Toys toys toys!

Corning Glass Museum (long)

Okay, Mom came into my room around 11:30 on Wednesday night. I was nearly asleep and pretty much out of it. She asked me if the Corning Glass Museum sounded cool. Sure, sure, whatever, go away and let me sleep, it's not pouring cement...

Anyway, I managed to get up early enough to write my Deep Blue entry for the history blog. We left around 9 AM and got gas. Then came back because yours truly had forgotten her silly asthma medicine. Then we left (again) around 9:30. I stitched the whole way up.

We got to the parking place and saw a beautiful glass building. Um, but it was kind of small. Phew! It was only the Visitors' Center. The museum is a short shuttle ride away. There were some neat purple flowers going up its driveway, but I didn't get a chance to look at them. There's a highwater mark from some flood in 1972 about 4 1/2 to 5 feet up the windows in the main entrance. The museum is set up on a small hill, so I can't even imagine what the true depth was. (I love the internet: here's a link about the 1972 flood.) We paid for a membership so we can go back again and bought our tickets to make our glass flowers.

We did that first. It was cool. I chose green, clear and red glass, while Mom chose purple, lavender and clear. Of course, the teacher helped me and did a lot of the work, although I wish I could have been the one doing it all! If it goes as planned (we have to wait a week or ten days to have them mailed to us) mine will have a green stem, clear petals and red stamen-like dots on the interior of the flower. I will, of course, post a picture of our first attempts at glassmaking.

After a visit to the Carder Gallery and lunch we started the actual tour. It's self-guided and they have a carpet/arrow motif keeping you going in the general direction you're supposed to go. It's easy to get confused, but fun. We saw two sculptures in particular that I want. I truly truly want them. The first was Susan Plum's Woven Heavens, Tangled Earth: a sphere of flameworked glass woven together, layer by layer. The second I don't recall the name of the artist or work, but it was so relaxing. The artist (female, I think) suspended three glass plates in front of three pieces of fabric with brushes and motors behind the fabric. The motors and brushes keep the fabric in constant motion, creating patterns behind the glass. It was great.

We also saw glassworks from Ancient Egypt, Rome, Israel all the way up to modern times. I really loved the trick glasses and goblets. The Germans seemed quite fond of making them. There were mini-mosaics - moaics so small the details were only clear through the aid of a magnifying glass. Can you imagine piecing them together?

Waiting for the hot-glass show I played around with an interactive display on how to make different colors of glass. Did you know that the addition of gold to the glass formula actually turns it ruby-red? And Pyrex was a happy accident? Some glass was left in an oven overnight and had crystalized differently with the higher heat. Mom and I also tried out some weird egg-shaped glass room suspended from the ceiling. You can whisper on one end and the person sitting directly across from you can hear you clearly.

The hot glass show was neat. I've seen glass being blown before at Ren Faires, but what made this one especially cool is a camera that shows the glass being heated up in the glory hole (the heating oven that does not have the molten glas in it). The oven has a small window of the glass used on space shuttles in the back, with a camera aimed through it. You can actually see what the glassblower is doing in the oven.

The whole experience was great. We're planning our next trip already.

The 36-Hour Day (A Grandma Update)

Grandma was gone when I came home from work today. I walked into a silent house with no television blaring obnoxious soap operas. Except for the lamp I forgot to turn off this morning, no lights were on. The suitcase of clothing that was the cause of the blow-up on Saturday was gone.

(Until this very moment no phone calls - I hate the phone...)

I called out her name, just making sure she actually was gone. I called it a couple of times, actually. Then I walked over to the chair in the living room and just sat down with a whump! It was like all the air just let out of me. I'm able to be downstairs and not have to watch her shows or feel her staring at me. Or, staring in my direction, as other people say she is doing. Funny, it feels like she's staring at me.

I'm reading The 36-Hour Day. It's a book for caregivers of people with Alzheimer's or Dementia. Grandma's strokes have caused brain damage that qualify her as having a "Dementing Illness". Apparently, her little habit of forgetting an argument after an hour is normal and not maliciously intended. According to the book. Also, when Mom and I argue instead of just deflecting her Mrs. Hyde moments we're making the situation worse because the person with a dementing illness knows something is wrong but can't quite understand what's wrong with them. We're supposed to be supportive and understanding about her situation and what she's having the specific problem with. Logical reasoning apparently doesn't work. (I'm screwed, then. I try to use logic constantly.)

I was talking to one of my venting people about it and her advice was the same as the book's. Basically it boils down to what we were doing for the longest time - when Grandma gets nasty, hold your tongue and pretend you're somewhere faaaaaaaar away. But it got worse while we were doing that. That's why we actually defend ourselves now. Maybe it's just that the more strokes she has the worse she gets. The only problem is that sitting quiet while she spews vitriol is damaging our admittedly low self-esteem levels. She can say everything she likes but we can't defend ourselves? There's just something fundamentally wrong with that. It goes against a human being's very nature. However, everyone and every book says the same thing. It's not her. It's the disease and she can't control it.

Even the good/bad kid thing is explained by the disease. It's her perceptions that are thrown off. Child A may be the caretaker/giver and treated like dirt, but Child B who comes in once a year is treated like gold, while Child C is just not even thought about either way. Apparently, this is part of the disease process and caused by brain damage to certain parts of the brain.

So, how to get Mom to believe this? Do I even believe it all? I understand the brain damage and that brain damage can have profound effects on behavior. It would be nicer to think it's her brain damage rather than me being less important or good than my cousins that make me the bad one in my generation. I am going to need major counseling when this is over. Mom needs it right now.

Oh, Grandma doesn't come home until Sunday and I took tomorrow off so Mom and I can go do something fun for once. Wish me luck in convincing her that pouring a sidewalk is not fun. Better yet, wish for the downpours predicted to come, because that would make sure we can't do it tomorrow!

Totally oblivious to the world...

Learned something new today: George Takei "came out" last year. Apparently, it was an open secret with Star Trek fans. Does this mean I have to give back my Trekkie pin?

Cheers

I spoke too effing soon (A Grandma Update)

Well, Mrs. Hyde is back with a vengeance. I guess being nice for a few days was too much for her to bear.

Grandma is going to TAFH's house this week. She needs to find a certain pair of shorts that my other aunt gave her. Well, she broke for the stairs and made it up without anyone hearing her. We had boxed up the junk on the floor and moved the computer in there. It's organized and neat. Her clothes that were on the floor or hanging about went itno boxes, too. This wasn't just our doing, but on consensus from all of the family. TAFH even put up the first box/suitcase. That was okay, but now with her selective memory it was all Mom who did it.

When she realized Grandma was upstairs Mm went up there and asked her why she didn't tell one of us she was going up. She never does and still thinks she's going to move back up there. She got huffy and made a remark about that. Mom just told her to talk to her other kids. Well, in the space of about fifteen minutes, Grandma managed to pick at Mom so badly she reduced her to tears.

Grandma actually said we want her dead. I got in her face and tld her VERY strongly that the reason we are here and everything we do is to keep her alive. She didn't say much to that, just harped on her usual: "The clothes should be upstairs. The dresser should never have been brought downstairs. You move my stuff all the time. Yadda Yadda. We're always wrong."

Oh, shit. They're downstairs right now and Mom is asking her if she even loves her.

I'm crying. I don't know what to say. Mom just stormed out in tears, sure her mother hates her. Grandma and I had it out, sort of. She and I both said things. She's insisting she doesn't hate Mom, but that when Mom asked her, she just didn't want to answer her. She's that spiteful. She thinks I want her dead so I could have the big room. She said that everything I do says that. I guess making sure she doesn't fall, making sure she eats right and making sure she gets her pills is evil. I asked her if she realized that Mom cries every night? SHe doesn't care as long as we don't move her stuff. There was so much more said, including me cursing at her and her telling me to get out, I told her no. She said I took care of her only when I wanted to. I told her if I did that then I'd be gone right now, but I'm not. I made the mistake of mentioning that I'd be out with my friends more often and her reply was "What friends?" I told her I have more than one and she scoffed. And I do. People at work have invited me out, but how can I go with noone to watch her?

I'm shaking. Aunt L is coming over so I can go out for a while. I want to get some shopping done. I wish I could get stinking drunk. I hope Mom's okay. Driving and crying don't mix well.

I asked Grandma at the end of our confrontation (with me in tears) if she would just tell Mom she loved her. I told her I don't care if she doesn't love me. I already have that from Dad, but Mom shouldn't have to feel that. She had a tear in her eye, maybe it did some good. I hope.

Grandma's Home!

She's joking! She's being nice. I'm having a heart attack.

I bought a new t-shirt today. I never wear tees with slogans on them, but I had to buy it when I saw it. It's blue and says this: If you choke a Smurf...What color does it turn?

Mom saw it and just groaned. Grandma stopped with her hot dogs and stared at me. I was wondering what the heck she wanted. Then I heard her reading it out loud. She laughed!

And in the last two days, she's demolished hot dogs. Three last night and four tonight. She's eating and being nice to me. Yeah, she picked at me about something stupid last night, but she's been really nice to us, basically. Obviously, I'm going to take advantage of the situation while it lasts.

BTW, I'm buying the Yoda tee next. It has a picture of Yoda pointing and says "My finger, pull."

Cool or Weird Webcams

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Grandma and my multipersonality disorder...

Grandma's cast is off. The doctor and nurse were surprised at how well she'd healed up, given her diabetes and by the range of motion in her arm. She'll be starting therapy soon, so we'll see what happens.

She's going to visit TAFH next week (who is still being surprisingly nice). My aunt and uncle got tickets for a Phillies game next Wednesday. Granda is going down Tuesday night and staying until Friday at least. I hope she has fun and the Phillies win. I intend to make the most of it and find some way to get out those days, even if I have to call off work one of them. We'll be slow next week anyway...

Argh! The pain of having that stupid work ethic drilled into my head.

Conscience speaking: "Now, now. You know you can't call off work unless you're ill."
Id speaking: "Yeah, Yeah. Whatever, C. So, where do you wanna go on our "day off?"
Paycheck speaking: "You want me to be nice to you, get your butt in here!"

I think Paycheck might win, forget Conscience and definitely forget Id (he just gets me in trouble, anyway). Practicality and not eating ramen beats just about anything on any given day.

Cheers from the Psych Ward

Leggett's Creek

After going to a retirement party for my uncle I went to Leggett's Creek to take some pictures with Mom's new camera, which we both adore. I went to my usual spot and took this one:

Then I went to the lower part of the creek. I haven't been down there in years and forgot where the deep parts were, so I came home soaked to the knees. The shoes I didn't give a fig for; they're already pretty much dead anyway. This is one of the pictures I took down there, making me remember why I like the upper part so much:

Why do people do this?

Publishers' Monopolies

When Catherine Coulter came out with Lyon's Gate, I declared a partial boycott of Penguin Books. I just can't bring myself to pay full price for the books in the new format. I wait until they get to my used book store (where everybody knows my name - my own personal Cheers). I even forbid myself from reading bits of them at Borders, since I know I won't be buying them there.

I've compared books in the regular and new formats and simply don't see enough of an improvement to warrant an extra $2 to $3. There is a minute increase of space between the lines but the obvious increase is the space around the edges. It's unnecessary and only serves to make the book larger. They say this makes it easier to read the book, but I've noticed no difference in ease of reading. In fact, they're harder to hold. If they truly had wanted to make it easier to read the books, then Penguin Books should have made them large-print trades, which they didn't. Penguin Books has cited the paper quality is improved. It is a little thicker and less see-through than other books, cool. However I, at least, was quite satisfied with the paper quality before. We didn't need the change.

I know that anyone reading this who knows what I'm referring to is wondering why I'm posting about something that happened almost a year ago. Well, I'm affected by it every four to six months. Catherine Coulter's Lyon's Gate was the last of her Sherbrooke series, so I can ignore anything else she publishes now. All of the other authors, but one, I've never liked. The exception is Christine Feehan.

Christine Feehan has two series coming out in this new format, both of which I read and collect because I enjoy the series so much. I've gotten all of those in the new format so far at The Book Swap for about $5.75 - a definite improvement over $9.99 plus tax. However, I have to wait to get them until someone else turns them in. I just got Dark Demon yesterday and it came out March 28th.

I know I sound whiny, but this format change angered me (and still does) so much that I wrote a letter to Penguin Books and carbon copied it to both Christine Feehan and Catherine Coulter when Lyon's Gate came out. I never received a reply from any of them - not even a form letter thanking me for taking the time to let them know how I felt they were doing, even if they disagreed with me.

I still buy books from Penguin Books. I don't have much of a choice, do I? With most industries a person can write a letter or in some way effect a change if something bothers them, but not the publishing industry. They have us over a barrel and they know it. We get addicted to the written word and our favorite authors, then the publishers change things on us - all in a move to make more money. Yes, yes, this is capitalism at work and their sole purpose is to make money, but where does business stop and exploitation begin?

In a way, I feel guilty about boycotting buying Feehan's books where she'd get the profits for the sale. After all, this is her living. However, by agreeing to be published in the new format, she sort of invited it from people like myself who have to plan out carefully what books they buy. I only work in retail (good wage, comparatively - but books are an expensive hobby) and I only have one small bedroom to store my books plus myself, my clothing and nearly everything else I own. I still have books in storage (for the last three years!).

A similar instance is with authors going hardcover. Congrats to them, they've made it to the Big Leagues of the Publishing World. Now I get to wait another six months to a year for the story. I'm actually happy (usually) for the authors of hardcover books at the same time my inner word addict is shouting "Why? Why? Nooooooooo!" Hardcover means more in the royalty checks, which means the bills and such get paid better and they can (hopefully) concentrate more on the next story, thereby getting it to me faster and feeding my "book habit", as I call it.

I just don't have the money or space for either hardcovers or the new, bulky format. Maybe others do and see no problems. I wish I was one of them. I also wish Penguin Books, Catherine Coulter and Christine Feehan had at least done me the courtesy of explaining what they feel the benefits are of the format change and why they did it. Even a letter saying, "We don't need your stinking money!" would have been preferable to being totally dismissed and ignored.

I need a new addiction.

Jumping The Mother's Day Gun

I just got Mom a camera for Mother's Day. I'm giving it to her today because I can't wait. I'll give her a card later. The camera is a Fuji Finepix 3100. It was originally $350 at work, but I got it for $85 with my discount, the camera being on clearance and a former display model. Wahoo! You can actually hold the damned thing and not be afraid to either lose or break it. It records short movies and you can use the viewfinder or the LCD screen. It can also take other lenses. It only has a 16mb xd-Picture Card, but I'm pricing larger cards already.

Here is the picture I took to give her a start. She was raised calling violets "bluebells" and they remain one of her favorite flowers.

I hope she likes it.

Cheers.

UPDATE:
She likes it, she likes it. She was actually going to buy one at work tomorrow. It was a dinky little thing. This one's much better. She was happy.

Miscellany 2

The garden's in. I finished planting it last night. I was going to finish it today, but it's raining, it's pouring, the old woman is snoring...

In seven to ten days, I should see some shoots, hopefully. I really hope the Bells of Ireland grow.

By the way, I'm adding a new artist to my favorite singers list: Jack Johnson. I got the Curious George soundtrack weeks ago and have just gotten another album of his. He's also a member of One Percent for the Planet. It's kinda cool. Check it out.

Cheers!

Caregiving And Cultural Differences?

My friends and I were talking at lunch the other day about China's population woes. Of course, we have our own population problems here, but those are issues for a different post. This one is about caregiving.

In Chinese culture, the son supports and cares for the parents in old age. In Western cultures, the opposite is true. Well, I should say the daughters care for the parents if there are any (daughters) the majority of the time. Why is this? (I do know of at least two cases among my extended family or friends where the son is the caregiver. In one case, he was the only child. In the other, the mother prefers him to take care of her major needs, but one of his sisters does a lot of the daily work, too.)

Both cultures raise their daughters to be nurturers. I seem to remember an Irish proverb or blessing that had something along the lines of this in it: "May you have a daughter to comfort you in your old age." I can't find it at the moment, but I know I've heard it. You know, strong sons to work the land and a daughter to comfort you, yadda yadda. How do Chinese sayings refer to daughters? What about Indian sayings? Arab? Israeli? The various African tribes? The South American tribes? I know what most Western societies think.

I feel this is a valid question. How do other cultures deal with caregiving? Who does the majority of the daily work? Do the parents move in with the caregiver, or does the caregiver move in with the parents? Are extended families involved? I should ask my aunt if there are any studies on this.

Incidentally, I think she's been taken over by a pod. My grandma, too. Both are being positively pleasant lately. They must be softening up my mother and me for a major offensive.

Cheers.

Nice Kids and a good news article

Yesterday I went to see Thank You For Smoking, which was quite good. While I was waiting in line to buy my ticket there were about six young boys in front of me buying tickets to The Benchwarmers. In front of them were two elderly women. The boys were full of high spirits, teasing each other and a little shovey (is that even a word?). Well, as the two women were walking away, one's purse fell open and her change rolled out. The boy that seemed to be the leader of the little group immediately knelt down and started helping her pick it up. One of the others joked that he shouldn't steal her money and was smacked by another and told to "Shut up!" When he was done helping her, the boy gave her the money: she thanked him and he calmy started to order his ticket. A few seconds later the woman put a quarter or something in front of him, he said "Thank you" and went back to ordering the ticket. It was all over and done with in a minute or two, but it gave me hope for the rest of the day. Young boys with good manners and politeness, how cool is that?

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary...

Well, I got half of the flower garden cleared out before the rain hit today. I still have to remove the azalea that is not growing back and dig out and turn over the earth of the other half. I'll be doing that tomorrow after work and planting my seeds on Saturday morning. I want to get it all done before TAFH gets here on Saturday morning, so she doesn't decide to "help" me. She'll pick out the plants she thinks should go in there and just plant them. She's done it before. Oops. I'll need to get some seed markers so she doesn't just get creative anyway. I also need some larkspur or snapdragon seeds. Maybe both.

Here's the list of plants that will be growing (if the gardening gods are with me, that is):

Growing on a trellis I'll be building out of six or seven foot dowel rods and twine. The morning glories should be open from morning until early afternoon. The four o'clocks open from early afternoon until night. The moonflowers open at night and stay open until the morning.:
Moonflowers: large, white flowers on a vine
Morning Glories: Burpee Mix, Grandpa Ott (deep purple), Milky Way (white with rose-star accent) - vines
Four o'Clocks: Burpee Mix - shrubby plant

Spread around the trellis and the rest of the flower patch:
Ipomopsis: a yellow, red and salmon annual that attracts hummingbirds
Oriental Poppy: a bright red perennial that will bloom next year.
Delphinium: a blue, stalky perennial that might bloom this year.
Viola: a blue, yellow, cream and purple mix of perennials. These are for Mom. She loves "bluebells", or violets. These are pretty close.
Lavatera: pink, white, rose and salmon blooms that last until the first frost; an annual.

I found a hummingbird/butterfly mix with all of these in it that I'll spread somewhere:
Crimson Clover, Annual Blue Flax, Austrian Winter Pea, Annual Baby's Breath, Four O'Clocks, Dwarf Cornflower, Dwarf Cosmos, California Poppy, Sweet William Pinks, Annual Gaillardia, Candytuft, Bishops Flower, Sweet Alyssum, Black-Eyed Susan, Siberian Wallflower, Rocket Larkspur, Scarlet Sage, Gilia, Annual Red Phlox, Spurred Snapdagon.

I'm not quite sure where I'll spread this out, actually. I might end up getting some flower boxes for the porch.

Anyway, I'm having fun.
Cheers.

Truly significant scientific research!

I found this extremely important study of library usage while wandering the web. I think it would be beneficial to everyone visiting here to check it out.

After looking at that, check out three other pages similarly inclined.

The P---s Page
P--- Research
The Big List of P---s Links

Cheers and have a Peepy Easter!

The Democratic Primary - Pennsylvania Senate Seat

Alright, I've been paying very little attention to the whole thing, other than my extreme desire to see Santorum ousted as painfully as possible. The man's a bloody menace. I figured, like most Demmies, I guess, that I'd vote for Casey and be done with it. One small problem, Casey's sounding an awful lot like Santorum in disguise.

I just checked out the websites of the other two Demmies running for the Senate and was much more impressed by one of them: Chuck Pennacchio from Buck's County. Alan Sandals also appealed to me in a way, but maybe I was more impressed by the depth of the answers Pennacchio gave on the issues on his site. He went more in depth and actually mentioned solutions and ideas rather than vague "We need to find solutions to this that and the other thing."

Here are the various websites, including the Devil's Spawn - er - Rick Santorum's, in case anyone actually wants to vote for him (WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY!!!!!?????). ;p

Please get out and vote for whoever your chosen candidate is. A democratic republic is only as strong as the voters. If you want to vote Republican, vote. If you want to vote Democrat, vote. If you are an Independent and still want to vote in the Primary, you must register as either Repubbie or Demmie by April 17th! The title is a link to the voter registration site for anyone who wants to register. Please do so. Remember, if you don't vote, you can't complain later on.

Alphabetically, so no overt favoritism is shown. *coughPennacchiocough* Nyah Nyah.
Bob Casey
Chuck Pennacchio
Alan Sandals
Rick Santorum

Also, here is a pdf of the listing of 2006 Primary candidates for Pennsylvania offices. Check for your area and see who's running.

Cheers and get out and vote!

New Blog

For some odd reason, I've decided to create a new blog: History's Shadow. It's obviously a history site. I'm going to try to find something or someone notable from each day and post a small blurb about them and links to other research. I think I'll ignore some of the better-known facts and people in favor of obscure or unique events - like today's article about Madame Lalaurie, a woman who tortured her slaves in New Orleans until she was caught and driven out of town. Tomorrrow's will be about an astronomer. Eclectic will be the best way to describe the blog.

Any suggestions will be welcome.

Cheers!

Wikipedia Birthday Meme

Birthday Wikipedia Meme

Find three events, two birthdays and one death using Wikipedia that happened on your birthday.

June 4
Events
780 BC - The first historic solar eclipse is recorded in China.
1939 - Holocaust: The SS St. Louis, a ship carrying 963 Jewish refugees, is denied permission to land in Florida, United States, after already having been turned away from Cuba. Forced to return to Europe, most of its passengers later die in Nazi concentration camps.
1989 - The Tiananmen Square protests are suppressed in Beijing and are covered live on television.
Births
470 BC - Socrates, Greek philosopher (d. 399 BC)
1928 - Dr. Ruth Westheimer, German-American sex therapist and author
Deaths
1942 - Reinhard Heydrich, Nazi official (b. 1904) – architect of the Final Solution

The Pirate Movie

"Mabel, your goosebumps have grown!"

Any purist fans of Gilbert & Sullivan probably had a heart attack when this wonderful movie came out. Kristy MacDonald and Christopher Atkins play the star-crossed lovers from G&S's Pirates of Penzance in an 80's rocked-up, campy version.

They had to have a great time filming this movie. It's so much fun to watch.

It was out of print for years and they finally came out with it again about a year ago. Widescreen, even. How perfect is that? Actually, it was a really good thing, because we had killed the vhs tape it was on years ago. I was in Pirate Movie withdrawal.

Now, if they could just bring out an unpirated edition of the soundtrack, everything would be hunky-dory.

Cheers.

What Tarot card are you?

I stole this blogthing from a friend of mine, Wyckedkittie. I find it disturbing and at the same time very cool.

You Are The Moon

You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams. You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness. Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies. Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part. Your fortune: You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one. Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares. Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses. You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Synonyms (A Grandma Update)

Grandma got her sutures out on Friday. She had a seizure while she was at the doctor's office and was put on two extra Keppra a day. For anyone luckily not in the know, Keppra can make a person "irritable". Irritable is such a weak word for it; it truly is. My precious Random House dictionary defines irritable as "easily irritated or annoyed; readily excited to impatience or anger." One of the synonyms is irascible, which apparently means "habitually angry or easily aroused to anger." I tend to think this is more appropriate for my grandmother.

She is trapped in a failing body and is ready to leave, I think. So, she takes her frustration out on the two easiest targets: Mom and I. Last night it was because I made dinner. However, I made chicken and rice. According to my grandmother I would be lost without rice because that's all I make (not true). It is simply the easiest thing that I can make well. She hates it when I make pasta. She hates it when I make potatoes lately (please don't ask me why). She hates meat. She hates vegetables. She's living on pierogies, waffles (at times) and a few other things she'll actually eat for Mom and Bea. For me she fights practically everything.

I just want the same grandmother my cousins and brother have. She treats them nicely, decently and lovingly. She is interested in what they do. She laughs at jokes they make. She makes jokes with them. Why can't I have her too?

I ended up crying last night. I don't cry easily. I learned a long time ago that it just makes people think that you're weak and need to get over things/toughen up. I just couldn't help it. I called Mom at work to ask her for an idea of what I could make and she suggested a baked potato (which she didn't want). I ended up crying on the phone. I, of course, apologized to her, but she was saying it was okay to cry. I know it is at times, but I've been taught at the same time (by experience) that it's never okay to cry. You cry and people think you can't function in the real world, which is rough so shut up and get tough. Mom said I should let Grandma see that I had been crying; that it might make her realize what she says and does hurts me. Yeah, right. My grandmother is the original stoic. She doesn't cry for anything. I imagine she cried when my grandfather and her parents died, but that's about it. She's bottled everything inside and is now letting it out in full force on Mom and I.

Is this what I'll become?

New York, New York

I just have to say it. I love New York. I can easily see myself living there after I get my degrees. I would love to work at the New York Public Library or the National Archives.

My trip wasn’t entirely successful; I didn’t find Concordia; however, the librarian at the Rare Books room feels the same way I do about it. It’s definitely heavy on the Catholic symbolism. I think I’ll try the Diocese and Vatican archives again. I did fill in little things and some details about the other printers, though. I’ll have some fun plugging the data into the list as it is. I wasn’t able to get the Roberts book, so I think I’ll have to lose the explanation for Elzevir’s mark. I can’t footnote it without the page number. Ah, well. Maybe on my second edition of the pamphlet (after I actually find Concordia) I’ll be able to add it. I may say I’m giving up, but I think I’ve discovered yet another lifelong obsession. Hah, “discovered”!? I’ve been at this about ten years now. I think it qualifies, along with genealogy research (and frogs) as an obsession.

Oh, just an aside. As Mom was driving me to the bus stop today, I saw a truck for Bates Casket Company. Just before we crossed out of Jersey and into New York, I saw yet another. I know you’re wondering why this is significant. After all, one often sees the same truck company in different places. Well, it’s only significant because I had noted the company’s motto (printed on the trucks) when I saw the first truck. “Bates Casket Company: Committed to the dignity of life.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but who (other than Dracula) uses a casket while they are alive?

Anyway, the trip into New York took twice as long as it should have. We left at 7:35 as scheduled and immediately hit the snowstorm. The driver took the turnpike and went around the worst area of 380 and we ended up at the Mt. Pocono exit after about one and a half hours. Traffic westbound was at a dead standstill for miles. We cruised along carefully. The drive through the storm was wonderful. Winter Wonderland truly defines it. Everything was covered in snow. It looked like Christmas. Of course, I was thanking the Gods for the sight at the same time I was imploring them not to let me get stuck and miss out on my chance at research. ;p

When we hit Delaware Water Gap, we had to pick up some poor commuters whose bus had died. One of the gentlemen said he’d called his boss to tell him why he was going to be late and the boss didn’t believe him that he was stuck in whiteout conditions. At that moment there was no snow in New York - at that moment. Hee hee. We got into New York around a quarter after 11 and went to the Port Authority to drop the commuters off. A couple of us got off there with them, including myself, since the Port Authority is closer to the library than the normal drop-off point.

We brought the snow with us. The storm chased right after us and brought flakes at least an inch and a half across. The snow couldn’t quite decide whether it wanted to be snow or rain, so it compromised. The huge flakes melted the second they touched anything and soaked everything. It was great. I got into the library soaking wet and look like a drowned rat in my picture for the library card. So much for trying to look nice today. I look like I took a handful of downers. The flash caught me in a blink.

It was a good day, even if I didn’t find Concordia. I didn’t really expect to, to tell you the truth. I figured I’d just be filling things in. I don’t know why. Maybe I’ve just lost any real hope of ever identifying Concordia. It’s been a mystery so long now. One of these days, I’ll turn around and there it’ll be, I think. Maybe I’ll get into cataloguing and creating a database of printer’s marks. I’ll be scanning them into the computer one day and it’ll be the next one. Actually, the librarian and I were talking about that. He (and I) was bemoaning the fact that the most famous marks that everyone knows get put into these databases, but not the obscure marks.

Everyone needs something to search for, right? Besides, it gives me an excuse to take a trip to another library when the opportunity presents itself. What a hardship.

Cheers.

She's Home (A Grandma Update)

Well, she's laying on the couch watching Duck Soup as I type. Well, the end of it, anyway, since the Marx brothers just pitched rolls at Mrs. Teasdale and the credits came on. She's very unsteady. Mom and I are sleeping downstairs for the next few nights. I get tonight and Tuesday. We'll see how everything goes.

Cheers

On the Road Again...

I just had to share this. I'm off to New York City on Wednesday to do some research. Grandma will be home by then (theoretically) and Mom is off, so she won't be alone. Yippee!

Now, to something interesting. I see them all the time, but had to add one of my own, finally. Here is a map of the countries I've been to. Pathetic list, eh? Ah, well. I'll have to work on increasing the amout of red.

My Visited Countries

Get your own Visited Countries Map from Travel Blog

I know there's a site that does one for the states you've visited, too. Let me see if I can find it...

Here we go:



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Of course, some of the red has been accomplished by driving through some of those states, but a lot of it is because of visits or living in them. Anyway, eventually all of the map will be red, poor Canada will be represented and then the world map will also be totally colored. I really need to hit the Powerball tonight.

Cheers.

Coming Home and Living Wills (A Grandma Update)

Grandma had her surgery the other day. She'll probably come home tomorrow. She now has a plate and pins in her left arm to hold the broken radius in place. LOL. Yes, she'll set off airport alarms. She's not happy and is in pain, but that will pass with time.

She's going to be in a hard cast for at least six weeks and then she'll have therapy after that. So, for the next two months, Mom and I will be cutting up food and making sure she's walking steady and all the other fun things you do when a person needs to be waited on hand and foot, pretty much. LOL. Grandma really needs to stop breaking bones!

On a more serious note, the nephrologist told us that she's in the fourth stage of renal failure. There are only five stages. She's this close to dialysis. There's no way she'll b eligible for a new kidney, and frankly, I don't think she'd want one. TAFH had a good idea. She wants the children to sit with Grandma and truly discuss medical powers of attorney and living wills. Grandma has fought these up until now, but they're hoping they can get through to her that they would only kick in if Grandma was incapacitated. She even suggested taping whatever Grandma's final wishes in the conversation were in case they needed to convince a doctor of them. This is in case Grandma refuses the two documents. I know Grandma doesn't want to linger on life support. We all know this. None of us want to, either. However, if she refuses a living will, we'd need to convince the doctors somehow, because they'd automatically put her on machines if something happened.

If Grandma's kidneys keep shutting down like they are and she wants no dialysis, I don't think she'll last the year. I don't know what else to type. I don't know how to express what I'm feeling, acknowledging that fact to people other than my mother.

Smoking

First and foremost, let me go on record saying that I think smoking is a nasty habit that needs to go the way of the Dodo bird. That being said, if a person truly chooses to light up and inhale a rolled-up wad of dried leaves, it's their choice. I wish them well in their lives and hope they find the strength to quit before said lives are permanently ruined. I never ask a person to put out a cigarette if they are near me. I simply try to move upwind of them.

Now, I have some questions for and about smokers and smoking.

1) Why, if a store doesn't allow smoking in the vestibule, do all the smokers stand right outside the doors? If you're sitting or standing in the vestibule, trying to avoid the smokers in the first place, you still get a snortful of cancer gas each time the doors open.

2) Do smokers not see the grand irony in puffing away on a cigarette and then either sucking down oxygen or asthma medicine? My great-aunt used to drag around her oxygen tank and puff up at the times she wasn't hooked up to it. She knew she was dying from emphysema, but didn't care. She was a great old bird in every other respect.

3) Why do so many smokers seem incapable of putting out their butts in the sand receptacles provided outside most stores? They so casually flick them to the ground. Do they do the same on the grass? People rarely even stub them out with their shoes. Do they not realize that one careless cigarette could cause a devastating wildfire?

4) Why is it that no matter where you stand outside, if a smoker shows up, the wind switches so that the smoke goes right into your face? If you ask the smoker to change places with you (which most seem amenable to if you ask politely, as I do) the wind immediately switches again, so the smoke goes the other way and smacks into you again! *sigh*

5) Why can a person buy cigarettes at 18 and alcohol at 21? They are both addictive, lethal drugs, so what's the difference between them other than the time it takes for them to kill?

Cheers.

To Be Read Piles

I've picked up a book I had started many moons ago: Greek Fire, Poison Arrows & Scorpion Bombs: Biological and Chemical Warfare in the Ancient World, by Adrienne Mayor. I set it down around Christmastime thanks to overwork and too many familial obligations, but now that my room is tidied up I have a pile about two and a half feet high of books to be read. Nearly all of them are reference books. The fiction gets devoured daily.

I was flipping through it and found where I left off, but I'm thinking I should start all over again, since it's been so long.

Oh, by the way, Grandma needs surgery on the arm, but they can't do it until her kidneys are functioning at a certain level and that won't be till this weekend or Monday, the nephrologist thinks. So, a couple of weird, Grandma-free days are in store. I never know what to do with myself. Laundry is a priority at the moment, though!

Cheers.

The State of Medicine in NEPA (A Grandma Update, Sorta)

Well, TAFH has weighed in. Not setting Grandma's bone and sending us home with the understanding that we'd be contacting the ortho specialist on Monday is "criminal." The hospital was wrong to let us walk out of the hospital without having seen an ortho surgeon. She says it was just because of Grandma's age, and yadda yadda the state of medicine in this area is barbaric and primitive and yadda yadda. We have grounds for a suit, even.

*sigh*

She wants to talk to my mother about it. She called to make sure I actually understood what I was telling her. LOL. She's so casually insulting. And she's coming in this weekend for a visit. This is going to be fun. I'm going to get a lecture about what I should have done.

Cheers.

Chance (A Contemplative Grandma Update)

Grandma broke her arm yesterday, so we spent some time at the hospital. Given that we usually end up there for thing much more life-threatening, we were actually able to relax and joke a bit. It was just the two of us, since Mom was at work and the other relatives were out of touch. My aunt drove us there, but she and her husband had a date planned, so we told her to go enjoy it.

As we sat in the exam room, it really hit me how chance and fate play in our lives. There were four people shuttled in and out of the exam room next to us in the time we were there: an older woman, a college-aged young man, a middle-aged man and a little girl.

The first, the older woman, was there when we got there. She had a bunch of female family members with her. When the doctor came back and told her that the cancer they'd thought they caught was back and incurable, I'm not sure if she was in shock or just accepting. He said it was treatable, but incurable and wouldn't give her a lifespan. But he was kind and had called for second opinions. I think she was trying to be strong for her daughters, whom I could hear crying and beginning the stages, "But she's never smoked, so why...?" She was admitted.

The second, the college-aged young man, simply had an infected tooth and wanted some antibiotics to hold him over till he could see his dentist. He went home shortly.

The third, the middle-aged man, was nervous. His brother had stolen his prescription and he needed an emergency script to tide him over until his refilled itself on the natural date. He just didn't want to have to file a police report. They took his info, checked it out and gave him a script. He went home.

The fourth, the little girl, arrived pretty much as we were leaving. I don't know what was wrong with her, but she was crying and holding her arm up. Maybe she'd broken it, too. We tried to smile at her on our way out, and I think the mother was a bit gratified by it.

It struck me, though, that we are usually the family sitting on tenterhooks, waiting for some pronouncement from above to tell us that Grandma is going to live just a little longer at a decent mode of living. This one time, it was someone else whose life was devastated by terrible news. Is it petty of me to think of this visit as a good visit? Mean to be able to think positively and realize that there is always a worse diagnosis?

I can only hope that the older woman finds comfort in her obviously loving family and in her faith, if she has one, and that she lives comfortably and happily as long as she is able to. I hope the college kid gets a dentist appointment Monday. I hope the middle-aged man's brother gets treatment for his addictions and stops stealing his brother's meds. And I hope the little girl recovers quckly from whatever happened to her.

As for Grandma, she has a Radial Head Fracture (and you can really see the break on the X-Rays.). We're making an appointment for her with her ortho doc ASAP.

A Miscellany

I'm now four days off work. However, the sinus infection/pharyngitis or whatever the heck it ends up being feels like it's getting a bit better. LOL. If it doesn't get better, Kim, don't let them give me a viewing. A drunken wake with a nice photo (if you can find one), yes, but not a viewing in a corpeshouse. Of course, scraping up enough of me from the road and whatever truck hits me after I leap the highest bridge I can might make that hard for my family. ;p

I just watched Good Night, and Good Luck. Wow! This was an excellent movie. I definitely recommend you watch it and then listen to the commentary. The friendship and repartee between Grant Heslov (one of my faves) and George Clooney (not a favorite, but I certainly don't hate him) is great.

Of course, I've also read a ton of books in the last few days in between moans and groans. Eva Ibbotson's The Haunting of Granite Falls; JR Ward's two vampire books, Dark Lover and Lover Eternal are just the last three, as well as rereading JR Robb's Memories in Death. What a surprise that I spend some of my sick time reading, right? Well, I also taped each of the documentaries hosted by William Shatner on the History Channel and watched them the next day. I have to admit, when I was younger, he annoyed me, but he's growing on me. He's a hammy actor with a really funny sense of humor. LOL. He doesn't take himself too seriously anymore.

Anyway, I managed to get very small bites of mashed potatoes (about a cup's worth) and an entire glass of water down. I'll try the Cepacol stuff and small bites thing and see if I can eat some more potatoes for dinner. Absolutely no Gatorade, though. The stuff burns too much going down. So does Mom's flavored water.

Oh, and I'm really going to have to figure out those "cut" things that Ragnell does.

Cheers.

Well, it's a sinus infection. Funny, I never expected a sinus infction to do what this thing has done to me. I've missed three days of work and feel like somone is grabbing my insides and twisting them with glee. Have I mentioned I've barely eaten since it hurts to swallow anything, even liquids?

I can't afford this.

Blech!

Sick. Yuck.

Aching all over (even my teeth!), fevers, chills, 103 degree to 100 degrees?

Well, I was given a horse pill (Amoxicillin), so let's see if it works.

I'm going to take a cool shower now to try to break this darned fever.

Cheers.

Vacation From My Vacation? (A Grandma Update)

I may need a vacation from my vacation. I haven't actually gone anywhere and that's most likely the problem. I've had a pretty solid week of Grandma-sitting, adding my niece and nephew to the mix. Tuesday the kids and I escaped the nuthouse to go to the store so I could show them off and get some kid-oriented puzzles. Today we went to my Grandfather's and Grandma went to my Uncle B's house for dinner. "Bea", the woman who watches her when Mom and I are working came for a while, too. She'll probably come tomorrow so I can take the kids out for an hour or so.

It's just been a bit of a frustrating visit. My brother is becoming just like TAFH. He is in the military, so I understand self-confidence is a must, but he's "never wrong." His way is always the right way and Mom and I give in to Grandma too much. He cleaned out our freezer without asking us if he could, for instance. He just assumed the right. He tells us that we should just do things and basically tell Grandma to suck it up. He bought a new ironing board (he irons every article of clothing he puts on his body but for underwear and socks), something Mom and I (well, Mom, at least) have been trying to convince Grandma to let us do, and it's totally cool with her. Meanwhile, she gripes and moans to the nurse who was here for her six-month checkup about everything I do.

To be honest, he's always been like this to a point. He was always the only boy in our generation, and no matter what my prents say, spoiled a little bit. He even admits Mom favored him. She denies it, but my brother and I know she's just trying hard not to see it. He tells me that I can take what he says to me without getting defensive about it and "over-reacting." He always says this right before he says something he knows would get me pissed, but since he just "complimented" me by telling me how rational I can be, I can't react without looking the total fool. I just do what I always do with my family. Shut up and go to my room. He didn't even want to spend any time Grandma-sitting and laughed about it when I told him that's what I get to do with my day, because "he" was on vacation. Well, so am I, dammit! He apparently told Mom later he was happy I got to go out every once in a while because it's not good for me to never go out, or something like that, but wouldn't it be nice if he said something like that to me, instead of making me feel like stupid crap? He says Mom and I try to please people to much, which is true, we do. But he's quite willing to take it and not help back.

*sigh* To be fair, he has watched her a few times for an hour or so, but he gripes about it plenty. The one time I went to the grocery store to buy food to feed him and his kids and he did his usual, "You need to learn how to walk faster." The other was when I went to the doctor's and I made sure I took my sweet time getting home. I even took the bus when walking would have been a bit faster. *snort* I only added about twenty minutes time to make a total of about an hour and a half, and I consider this a respite. How pathetic can I be?

I don't know. There have really been only three or four people in my life that can so casually, constantly and unconsciously make me feel so unloved, stupid, insignificant and totally unnecessary to this planet. It's just my dumb luck that two of them happen to be sharing the same roof with me at the same time. All that's needed now is a visit from my father and TAFH.

Note to self: Never clean your room again. You get in as much trouble with Grandma as when it's a total mess. Also, anyone want to do my laundry? If I do one large load a week, that's doing laundry every day in her mind (This from the woman who will wash a shirt and pants every single day. Yes, I do mean a shirt and a pair of pants and that's it and call it a full load.). I did three loads in the last two days, as I've been going through my clothing to get rid of stuff I'll never wear again. Big mistake.

Oops, I left the last load in the washer. I'd better get it out and on the radiators. The second load is hanging on the ladder going up to the attic in a pile. I was forbidden use of the radiators last night. I'm taking them tonight, no matter what the old bat says.

There, I said it. I called her a name online. Of course, if you'd been a doctor and heard me when I was hanging clothing yesterday, you'd have been calling in a diagnosis of Tourette's!

1776

"Dear Sir, you are without any doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a scoundrel and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pimping, pocket-picking, thrice double-damned no-good son-of-a-bitch."
Stephen Hopkins, delegate from Rhode Island: 1776 (Restored Director's Cut)

I'm watching this movie for what is probably the 200th time of my life. My parents recorded it on VHS when I was little and I've always loved it. When our copy died a natural death from overuse, especialy since Hello, Dolly! and The Pirate Movie were on the same tape, I bought a new tape. Of course, the VHS had pieces cut from it, so when the buzz came out that a restored cut was going to be released, I was thrilled. To finally see Cool, Cool Considerate Men peformed was something I was really looking forward to. I had already purchased the 1972 Broadway soundtrack and loved the song. I even went to see it on Broadway during the revival in 1997 as my present to myself for my 21st birthday (I missed Brent Spiner! Drat!).

For some reason (even knowing it's not totally historically accurate) watching the Founding Fathers struggle to take the baby steps in the creation of our country is extremely uplifting. Peter Stone's book is simply a masterpiece. He manages to make each of the players a hero in his/her own right as much as showing their flaws. There was John Adams (the hero of the piece) an arrogant, egotistical, sometimes-jerk whose whole being was focused on independence. Franklin, the "sage" who serves as the conscience of the people in the play/movie. I even love Dickinson and Rutledge, whose reasons for staying part of the British Empire resonate even now: Dickinson, the man who represented the Tories who wanted to make sure they held onto their money, properties and status they never would have achieved in England proper; Rutledge, the man who wanted to keep his traditional way of living alive and his state's rights paramount. Dr. Hall, whose part is small, but pivotal, reminds me of the ideal delegate. He wants to serve the people, but has to work out how that is best done and even uses the words of Sir Edmund Burke, of the British Parliament to decide exactly how he'll vote.

I guess it's naive of me, but I hold the Founding Fathers as prime examples of what we hope for in our politicians. I know that they had their faults. I know we get the phrase Gerrymandering from Elbridge Gerry, a delegate from Massachusetts. James Wilson died penniless after having helped write the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution, as well as having been on the Supreme Court. Dr. Lyman Hall was dismissed from a pastorate for doing something naughty. Samuel Chase of Maryland was thought to have a mental illness and was later impeached while on the Supreme Court (acquitted). Each of the Founding Fathers had some foibles. They were human, after all. I'd prefer they have faults. It makes it seem so much more amazing that any of this could actually happen.

I also like a couple of lines by Franklin as he and Adams are arguing about taking the slavery clause out of the Declaration to appease the South and get them to agree to sign:
"These men, no matter how much we may disagree with them, are not ribbon clerks to be ordered about. They're proud, accomplished men. The cream of their colonies. And whether you like it or not, they and the people they represent will be part of this new nation you'd hope to create. Now either learn how to live with them or pack up and go home."

This little speech brings home the very idea that we all hope for. No matter what we think of each others' political beliefs, the fact that we can all express them and come to a consensus is the point of this "experiment."

*snort* Now just don't ask me to concede too many of my beliefs and we'll be fine. ;p

Cheers.

Earthsong

Wahoo! I found it, Kim. Here's the address for the online comic I was talking about.

http://www.earthsongsaga.com/index.html

Cheers.

Vacation time

It's been a little while. My brother and his kids are in now. They arrived last night. My niece and nephew were so happy to see me, and of course, the feeling was quite mutual. They literally threw themselves at me when they saw me. Man, they are great little monkeys. Gods, how I adore them.

Why do they have to live so far away? It's just not fair of the Air Force to do that to me, darn it! I really hope my brother gets posted to Dover when his choice comes up. Delaware is a lot easier to get to than New Mexico.

Anyway, I'm taking the week off as a vacation (lots of Grandma-sitting, how fun.) and hopefully some of the relatives will cooperate by giving Mom and I some respite so we can take the kids out. We'll see.

Oh, I simply must brag. My nephew is a brilliant little boy. We did some of his homework and he understood the concept of pronouns without a struggle. I even gave him examples and challenged him to change some of the things that were on his homework sheet and he did great, coming up with a few changes himself. He's also one heck of a clever writer for his age. And his spelling! Let's just say that I know who's getting my prized dictionary when I die.

Now, my niece...she's the athlete and drama queen. And I do mean drama queen. Her future career will be one of these: actress (multiple award-winner, of course), soccer player, doctor, President of the US, lifelong convict. Of course, none of those career paths cancel out the others, so... When she told me they were going to build a snowman, I told her I wanted to play too, but since I was at work she kept telling me "You're going to miss the fun. You're going to miss the fun." *snicker* It's a really cute snowman.

Cheers!